Ladies and Gentlemen: Today’s main event is being touted as the greatest battle of the sexes since Billie Jean King faced off with Bobby Riggs. We are calling it #MeToo vs Little Hands! Hold on to your electronic devices as you are in for the ride of your life!
In this corner, weighing in at a whopping 270 pounds, the buster with the bluster, the dude who claims he has won every battle he has ever fought, the man who is so mean he separates babies from their families, the man that is so greedy he would sell his own children down the river for a tower in Moscow, Putin’s puppet, The Donald.
In this corner, weighing in at a 115 pounds, pound for pound, the most powerful woman in America, a woman who shows know fear when it comes to powerful men, a woman the likes of The Donald has never had to deal with his entire life, Nancy “The Mostly” Pelosi!
Pelosi: “Pow, take that! Postpone your State of Lying to the Union address to another date after the government is reopened or just write it out on a postcard, which is about as much space as you will need and won’t challenge your ability to write coherent sentences.”
When The Don heard this he flung his special MLK bust across the room and yelled: “Why, that little bitch!”
“She wants me to give up that kind of TV audience! Writing! Ha! She knows I don’t do writing. The only thing I write is my name.
“She thinks she is so clever. Pow! Take this, Nancy!”
“Your secret overseas trip to Brussels and Afghanistan is postponed for the duration of the shutdown, as you will not have military support.”
“You think I am going to let you cozy up to NATO in Brussels after I have worked so hard to make it fear us and threaten to leave it? You think I am going to let you steal my thunder by allowing you to have a photo op with military personnel in Afghanistan? Pelosi you have been officially shutdown!”
Pelosi: “Stop holding our country hostage with your silly wall. What kind of man are you? Building a wall won’t make you more potent. You lost your hard on as soon as you let Ann Coulter tell you what to do! Pretty pathetic Mr. President, pretty pathetic. That kind of wimpiness gets you a beaded curtain, not a wall.”
The Don: Ann Coulter has no power over me.
Pelosi; “Oh, yes she does. You’re her puppet.”
The Don: No puppet, no puppet.
Pelosi: Yes puppet, yes puppet. She has you on a string, Little Hands.
The Don: My hands are not little. Take it back Pelosi!
Pelosi: Sad, so sad. Then why have I heard that they are doctoring up your social media pictures to make your fingers bigger? Maybe I should tweet out:
Puppeteer Coulter has Trump on a string and is manipulating his Little Hands.
The Don: Be careful Nancy or You I’ll…
Pelosi: You’ll what?
The Don: I’ll…
Pelosi: You’ll what? Make up a childish nickname for me. Go ahead Donald do it. I dare you! I feel so left out. Everyone gets a nickname. I feel hurt that you have ignored me. So what is it?
Please, please Donald just tell me already. The suspense is just killing me.
The Don: I’m not falling for that Nancy but you better be careful. You need to get the democrats to support my new proposal. You and your people are responsible for the misery of all the Federal employees.
Pelosi: Ha! You don’t care one bit about Federal workers. You don’t care one bit about any workers. You have no empathy. Your entire life you have abused people who worked for you: construction workers, contractors and lawyers who you often didn’t pay for their work on your real estate projects.
And now I hear that you have retweeted something your adorable Don Jr. tweeted that was written by someone in your administration and published by the right wing Daily Caller.
The Don: “I tweet so many things each day I don’t remember that one.”
Pelosi: Well that one argues that “80 percent of federal workers do nothing of external value” and that “furloughed employees should find other work, never return and not be paid.”
The Don: Let’s face it some of these workers are not loyal to me. Can you believe they have the nerve to complain about working for free, a little financial discomfort? So they have to foreclose on their house because they can’t pay their mortgages. I’ve declared bankruptcy a bunch of times and look at me I became President!
Pelosi: And I am here to tell you that not only will you never see a wall, but the walls are closing in on your presidency. And if you are afraid of Ann Coulter, you ain’t seen nothing yet!