InTWEETchment

The Don took his reality TV show to another level when he live tweeted during Marie Yovanovitch’s testimony.*

It was another surreal moment in this dark and dystopian presidency. As she was being questioned by Adam Schiff concerning her reaction to The Don having stated that she was “bad news” and someone who “would be going through some things,” The Don tweeted at her.

Can you imagine what it must feel like to have that said about you by the most powerful man in the world, particularly when that man don’s himself as a mafia Don, ready to exact revenge on anyone he perceives is betraying him?

Yavanovitch’s response to Schiff was: “I didn’t know what to think.  I was very concerned. It didn’t sound good. It sounded like a threat. I did [feel threatened].”

My interpretation: “I was shitting in my pants and I thought I would end up in the Potomac River!”

Her testimony morphed in to one of those audience participation shows when you Tweet your approval or disapproval of a contestant’s performance.

The man with the tiny hands gave a big thumbs-down for for Marie’s performance.

Just in case anyone thought that Marie was not clear about what she felt, The Don explained it for her. The big orange baby with the tiny Twitter thumbs could stand for no more and tweeted:

Everywhere Marie Yovanovitch went turned bad. She started off in Somalia, how did that go? Then fast forward to Ukraine, where the new Ukrainian President spoke unfavorably about her in my second phone call with him. It is a U.S. President’s absolute right to appoint ambassadors.

They call it “serving at the pleasure of the President.” The U.S. now has a very strong and powerful foreign policy, much different than proceeding administrations. It is called, quite simply, America First! With all of that, however, I have done FAR more for Ukraine than O.

Like a good jazz improviser, the implacable Schiff, heard The Don’s foul music and just incorporated it in to the flow of the session he was conducted.

I don’t know about you, but as far as I am concerned, live tweeting during witness testimony, with the intent of intimidation of a witness, should be an impeachable offense of its own. We can call it Imtweetchment.

Can’t you imagine The Don, who claimed he would not be watching the hearings, pacing frantically like a caged animal as the ambassador told her story?

Can you believe this bitch? And where is my phone?”

Mr. President, it’s probably best you don’t watch.

Where’s my phone?

Mr. President, how about we watch the wrestling channel? You know you love that stuff. It’s so much more fun. Remember how they loved you when you went to the WWF event?

Don’t be stupid, there is a TV show about me and millions are watching. Of course I am going to watch it. Is there any way we can gauge audience reaction. What?  Did she just say I intimidated her?

Give me my phone. Damn it now. This bitch is not going to get away with that.

Mr. President, not a good idea.

If you don’t give it to me I will turn this in to a live wrestling show and body slam your ass. How dare she accuse me of intimidation? I have more respect for women than anyone. Now give me my phone!

Mr. President. What are you doing Mr. President? Put me down, oh my God! (Thud!)

Intimidating, what a joke. Now get up and help me with this tweet.

OK, OK, OK. Just no more body slams Mr. President.

That was a good one, wasn’t it? Remember that congressman who did that to a reporter? That was so cool.

OK, well when she was in Somalia there was a big mess up in Mogadishu.

What? She messed up as a wine expert by serving Mogen David, the yucky Kosher wine my son-in-law serves at Passover? Aren’t you impressed that I know what a sommelier is? I just learned about it yesterday. Came in handy.

Yes Mr. President, but we are talking about Somalia, a country in Africa. Mogadishu is a city where some bad stuff happened. Do you want to know more specifically what happened?

Never heard of it. Why waste my time learning about shit-hole countries? Africa is a shit-hole. But it sounds like bad stuff happened there. Let’s tweet that out and imply she was responsible for what happened.

But Mr. President, once you do that it will be part of the trial on live TV.

That’s the point, you idiot. She’s getting all the coverage and saying bad stuff about me. Come on, let’s tweet something out.

But Mr. President I still think it is a bad idea.

And this fuss about the Ukraine. Such nonsense, Sondland told me when we spoke that Zelensky ‘loved my ass’ and ‘would do anything for me’. Isn’t that what you want? Another president doing anything you want, loving your ass?

Mr. President, you are not supposed to know Sondland, remember?

Oh yes, thanks for reminding me.

Look at her. She is so boring. I will expose her for the fraud and imposter she is. She made America un-great. I am making it great again. Obama sucked. Also, will you look at her? I would have never appointed someone who looked like that.

“When I owned Miss Universe, they always had great people. Ukraine was always very well represented.” (The Don’s actual words.)

That one looks like a dog, at best a librarian. Maybe we should say something about that. My base will think it’s funny and it is the truth.

Can you believe they are impeaching me? I am the greatest thing that ever happened to this country.

Everyone went so crazy about the Kurdish thing. “Erdogan has a great relationship with the Kurds.” (The Don’s actual words)

Erdogan loves me. I even got Lindsey Graham to block a vote on the Armenian genocide thing. Erdogan said it was total BS so I called up Lindsey and said that this was another hoax and a witch hunt against a great man. Both of us are great; both of us victims of lies.

Look what I have done for health care-well would have done if it wasn’t for that no hero McCain.

Look what I have done for the blacks. They love me.

Look what I have done for business in this country. So we had to dial back a few environmental restrictions but those people are all in for me. Big time!

Mr. President, I will appeal to you one more time not to send this tweet… No, no Mr. President, not the body slam again. Please.

Then send it!

Yes Mr. President. Sent.

 

*Damning excerpt from Yavanokivch’s testimony:

“Individuals, who apparently felt stymied by our efforts to promote stated U.S. policy against corruption — that is, to do the mission — were able to successfully conduct a campaign of disinformation against a sitting ambassador, using unofficial back channels. As various witnesses have recounted, they shared baseless allegations with the president and convinced him to remove his ambassador, despite the fact that the State Department fully understood that the allegations were false and the sources highly suspect.’’