Senator Mitch McConnell, our feckless Senate Majority Leader, rose in the halls of the U.S. Senate to praise John McCain as a colleague and hero who “spotlighted many of our highest values.”
Immediately after making this statement, he turned to Lindsey Graham and coyly whispered: “as opposed to me who is an immoral, manipulative, mean spirited slug! Ha!”
Graham laughed and whispered back: “ditto for me, minus the mean part and not as ugly as a slug.”
*I am no fan of most of the politics of John McCain, bur with his passing, a rare voice of dissent in the Republican Party has been laid to rest.
McCain’s disdain for The Don was palpable as evidenced in these two excerpts of speeches he made since The Don was president.
On his last visit to the Munich Security Conference in 2017, shortly before his cancer diagnosis, McCain spoke of the “the hardening of resentment we see toward immigrants” and “the growing inability, and even unwillingness, to separate truth from lies.” He was alarmed that “more of our fellow citizens seem to be flirting with authoritarianism and romanticizing it as our moral equivalent.”
Pow! Thumbs down to The Don.
In an other speech he said: “To refuse the obligations of international leadership and our duty to remain ‘the last best hope of earth’ for the sake of some half-baked, spurious nationalism cooked up by people who would rather find scapegoats than solve problems is as unpatriotic as an attachment to any other tired dogma of the past that Americans consigned to the ash heap of history.”
Shazzam! Thumbs down to The Don again.
Undisclosed sources say that when The Don was told of McCain’s passing he gave the thumbs up and said: “guess he isn’t much of a hero now!”
But The Don was in a quandary. He was expected to make a statement to honor McCain, but his distaste for him made this difficult.
The Don’s pettiness and dislike of McCain was recently played out during a 28 minute speech, which celebrated the new military spending bill-a bill which is officially called the John S. McCain National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2019.
During his speech and the signing of the bill, The Don never made mention of the bill’s name. How dare John McCain, the captured, defile the grand bill of the bone spurred! The nerve!
Thumbs down to McCain!
Under enormous public and private pressure, The Don finally (and I’m sure quite grudgingly) issued a proclamation of praise for Mr. McCain, two days after the senator’s death. He ordered the flag to be flown at half-staff seemingly in the only place it wasn’t already, the presidential complex.
Supposedly, Mike Pence had pleaded with The Don to lower the flags to half -staff.
The Don’s response: “Shut up you wimp!”
John Kelly also pleaded.
The Don responded: “Ask me one more time and you’re gone.” Weak general, weak general!
The Don was playing golf when he heard the news about McCain. Perhaps he was in the middle of hitting a tricky shot out of a sand trap. (Seems that these days his entire life is one big sand trap, which is quickly morphing in to quicksand.)
“Stop interfering with my golf game”, he railed. “Half -mast, whole-mast, don’t we only do that for heroes? Why does everyone want to play with the flag? Maybe we should play “Capture the Flag” in McCain’s honor-after all he was captured! Ha! And by the way, I was the best “Capture the Flag” player in NYC in my day.”
Then he went on a tirade and had a tantrum in the middle of the sand trap, akin to a three year old who realizes that the sand castle he built is smaller than the kid next to him.
“McCain, McCain, McCain. Blah, blah, blah. If I hear his name one more time I am going to beat someone with this golf club: he has already been mentioned over a hundred times by Fox News, while I have only been mentioned 32!”
“Frankly, I should’ve had one of my Russian mobster buddies break that thumb of his-that thumb he thumbed at me when he voted against repealing Obamacare. What nerve! Guy shows up half dead to the Senate floor and does this thumb down thing for the entire world to see. What a drama Queen!”
“Hero, hero, hero! I am so tired of that. I am the real hero here. I am saving America, making it great and what do I have to show for it? Michael Cohen betraying me. My money- man getting immunity, Peckerhead spilling the beans, Omarosa and the Russia witch hunt.”
At one point, The Don in an effort to move the news cycle off McCain and reclaim the day, attempted to publicly deliver a policy victory on a trade deal with Mexico that television cameras inside the Oval Office went live before the telephone equipment had Enrique Peña Nieto, the Mexican president, on the line.
“Enrique?” Mr. Trump asked, growing flustered on live television as his aides tried to figure out the phone. “Do you want to put that on this phone, please? Hello? Be helpful.” (My fantasy was that Enrique was on the line but he was toying with The Don by not answering, getting a bit of delicious revenge.)
Despite The Don’s desire to break McCain’s thumbs, McCain went out with his thumb down and his middle finger flicked toward the sky.
John McCain’s last words:
“We weaken our greatness when we confuse our patriotism with tribal rivalries that have sown resentment and hatred and violence in all the corners of the globe. We weaken it when we hide behind walls, rather than tear them down, when we doubt the power of our ideals, rather than trust them to be the great force for change they have always been.”
“Do not despair of our present difficulties but believe always in the promise and greatness of America, because nothing is inevitable here. Americans never quit. We never surrender.”
Supposedly, McCain spent a good deal of time orchestrating his end, preparing guests lists and choosing “Danny Boy” as his song. Noticeably absent from the list of guests was The Don, who was specifically told not to come!
He even chose the pall- bearers. My favorite pall- bearer by far, is Vladimir Kara-Murza, a Russian activist who survived two poisoning attempts for his opposition to the government of President Vladimir V. Putin.
So when the casket is carried in supported by Murza, McCain will be giving his final thumbs down and Fuck You to The Don.
“I know from personal experience that the abuse of prisoners will produce more bad than good intelligence. I know that victims of torture will offer intentionally misleading information if they think their captors will believe it. I know they will say whatever they think their torturers want them to say if they believe it will stop their suffering. Most of all, I know the use of torture compromises that which most distinguishes us from our enemies, our belief that all people, even captured enemies, possess basic human rights, which are protected by international conventions the U.S. not only joined, but for the most part authored.”
Senators from both parties appeared to embrace a proposal, first made by Senator Chuck Schumer of New York, the Democratic leader, to rename one of the Senate’s office buildings after Mr. McCain. Doing so could provide senators any easy step around a potentially thorny fight: The building’s current eponym, Richard B. Russell, was a staunch segregationist who led the fight in the Senate against desegregation and the Civil Rights Act of 1964. In 2018, we still ave a Senate building honoring a man who voted against the Civil Rights Act!