Each night The Don, who feels the walls closing in on him, soothes himself to sleep by imagining his magnificent wall. It is a majestic construction, the likes of which the world has never witnessed. Every 10 feet his name appears in gold letters and Pesos (“Mexico will pay for the wall!”) fall from the sky like “Pennies From Heaven.” Standing before the wall in homage, thousands and thousands of his followers chant his name. In chorus, they rant “Lock her up, lock her up.” He is feeling triumphant, exuberant, his grand plan realized. America is safe again. The Messiah has arrived!
But the exuberance doesn’t last for long as the sky darkens and the Pesos begin to disappear and are replaced by disturbing images and the beatific wall fades.
At first, The Don can’t make out the images; but his sense of serenity has turned to dread. One by one faces come in to focus: Omarosa, Paul Manafort, Michael Cohen, Stormy Daniels (flanked by Michael Avenatti) and last and most bigly, Robert Mueller.
And if seeing all of them floating around him like menacing apparitions isn’t scary enough, suddenly, they start chanting in chorus: J’accuse, J’accuse. J’accuse. Of course, The Don, whose only knowledge of France is the parade President Macron threw for him, has no idea what these words mean; but given the tone of outrage, he figures they must be critical.
As he is wont to do when criticized, he starts yelling “Fake News, Fake News. This is nothing but a witch- hunt.”
The dream turn nastier as the cheers of the crowds turn to jeers and the words he now hears are “Lock him up, Lock him up.”
As his accusers circle around him, he hears Giuliani’s voice and he is buoyed- help is on the way. But as Rudy, the looney, comes in to focus The Don despairs, as Rudy is dressed in a giant clown suit and is speaking gibberish.
“Hannity, Hannity, where are you,” he yells. “I’m here Mr. President,” he exclaims, but to The Don’s horror he is broadcasting from CNN and is co-hosting with none other than Don Lemon.
The Don turns to run but is met by the recently security stripped John Brennan. Brennan is flanked by hordes of intelligence people who have signed letters supporting him, condemning the president’s actions. The Don looks up for help only to find James Comey hovering over him. “You are a colluder and obstructer.” The entire intelligence community chants: “colluder, colluder, colluder.”
The Don, desperate, turns to escape the menacing crowds and sees his son Barron. “Barron, Barron, you love me, right, Barron. Tell me you love me?”
As Barron begins to speak, his face morphs in to a brown skinned child who desperately pleads: “Where is my mommy, please help me find my mommy!”
The Don’s panic is becoming overwhelming and he is raging against everything. “You are all losers.” I don’t need any of you.” You are all low I.Q and weak. All liars.”
In concert Omarosa, Manafort, Cohen, Stormy and bigly Mueller yell out ”projection, projection, you are low I.Q, weak and a liar”, as they continue to surround The Don.
In a complete twist of fate and utter irony, the six form a wall around The Don. The Don realizing this starts hurling expletives at them. “This is such a silly wall he yells. The American people will never accept your wall. It is a puny, ridiculous wall. Get out of my way; I have a rally to attend to. My adoring deplorables are a waiting for me. They will set me free from this madness, as they know I am telling the truth and you are all liars and losers.
The Don attempts to break out from the wall but he feels enervated, unable to move, the way Superman feels when confronted by kryptonite.
“What have you done to me? I am the President of the most powerful nation of the world. You are mere pawns who will face the wrath of this “Law and Order” president.”
“Mr. President,” the five say, “we are building our own wall. We are building a wall of truth around you. As they say, ‘the truth will set you free.” “America needs to be set free from your lying, greedy, self-serving, incompetent and dangerous ways. We are building a wall of truth around you.”
In the distance, he sees a giant piece of paper approaching. Slowly, the the words: The National Enquire emerge in bold print. Finally, the truth will be told. Initially, he sees Hillary Clinton’s face which brings a smile to his, but quickly it fades and a picture of The Don with his pants down appears on the cover with the caption:
As The Don’s desperation increases, a light approaches. Like a scene from the wizard of Oz, a good witch is coming to save him.
“Melania, Melania, I knew you would come to save me. Take me out this nightmare. Tell me you love me.”
“Ha! Donald, maybe you should have summoned up Stormy or Karen Mcdougal?”
“I never had anything to do with those women. Just lies and more lies. Please Melania, you know you are the one I care about.”
“Oh please, Donald, enough of that bullshit.”
“Oh Melania, tell these people to leave me alone. Oh and you are wearing that jacket! That’ll show’em. You and me are a team of defiance against them all.”
“Donald, you are so low I.Q. It says: “I don’t really care about you!” Melania breaks out in to a fiendish laughter. And Mr. low life, low I.Q. don’t you realize that my anti-bullying campaign is my way of trolling you?”
“Melania, how could you?”
“Donald, how could you separate children from their parents?”
“But.”
“How dare you get angry with me for watching CNN?”
Melania starts moving away.
“Melania, please, save me from these awful people? Melania,” where are you going?”
“I am off to meet Lebron James and tour his new school. We are going to announce our joint venture to address cyber bullying. Then he and I will be heading to Nigeria and Haiti.”
The Don is speechless.
“But before I go, let me join Omarosa, Michael, Paul, Stormy and Michael and Robert in solidifying the “Wall of Truth” surrounding you.”
Just before leaving the group she whispers something to them. As she starts to ascend to the sky the letters on her jacket begin to change and on cue the six yell out: “I really don’t care about you. And guess what, I’m divorcing you!”
OMFG TRUMP - Tales From the Other Side 