On the cusp of MLK day in 2021 with just a few days before Joe Biden’s is inaugurated as the 46th president, America is in turmoil.
20,000 National Guard are stationed in D.C. in order to deter violence from White Supremacists during the inauguration.
State Capitols are on high alert across the U.S.
Nearly 4,000 Americans are dying each day from the coronavirus.
The Don’s administration has completely and reprehensibly abandoned the American people with no plan to distribute the vaccine.
We have a president who is more and more isolated and reported to be unhinged, raging and despondent that his attempts to bend the world to his whim have failed.
And let’s not forget the very special second impeachment. A truly unmatchable achievement by any president. Yes, Don, you truly have accomplished more than any president, ever!
It is all falling apart but wait, wait, who is this I see? Could it be? Could it really be him visiting The Don, arriving like Glinda in the Wizard of OZ, a sign of hope? Could it really be him, the “Pillow Guy?”
What follows is an imagined conversation:
Scene: Oval office. Half-eaten hamburgers and slops of ketchup stuck to plates. Pictures of Liz Cheney hung with Red X’s over her face. Stop the steal signs. Broken furniture.)
The Don: Mike, Mike, Mike. Am I glad to see you! Can you believe this?
Mr. Pillow: Mr. President, the people who love America the way we do know that the real insurrection took place on election day when they stole the election.
The Don: Yes, Mike and the people who stormed the Capitol building were the real patriots trying to restore democracy. Don’t you just love the Viking Man? I could just hug that guy.
Mr. Pillow: When we start our own TV network, we should give him his own Reality TV show. We can call it: “The Patriots Challenge.” You know how they have these crazy shows with people showing their stuff by wrestling alligators? Well, in our show, we have contestants present their plans to restore democracy to the Viking Man. You know, a political version of the “Apprentice.” It’s going to be so cool. And think of all the money you and I will make together selling “My Pillow” during commercial breaks.
The Don: But Mike, if you are going to be selling your My Pillow on My TV network then then your My Pillow needs to be changed to Our Pillow.
Mr. Pillow: Deal! How’s this for marketing:
If you are tired of restless and sleepless nights because the election was stolen from the real president of the United States, then you need Our Pillow. Not only will Our Pillow allow you to dream of your president’s return, but for a special low price, you will not only get a pillow but an Ar-15 to make your dreams come true.,
The Don: Love, love, love it. We could even put a picture of me on the pillow that says: “Sweet Dreams from your president, tomorrow will be a new day in America.”
Mr. Pillow: Now we’re talking, Mr. President. With our two great minds in sync there is nothing we can’t accomplish. And let’s face it Mr. President, you are going to need some quick money to pay off some debt. Banned by Twitter and Facebook we lost some of our best marketing sites.
The Don: Destroyers of free speech. That is why America needs me!
Mr. Pillow: Is it true that there are banks that have promised to stop lending to you?
The Don: Yep, but I have other resources, so no worries.
Mr. Pillow: Is it true that one of the Trump Organization’s law firms dropped you as a client?
The Don: Fuck’em. I have Rudy G.
Mr. Pillow: Speaking of Rudy G, is it true you aren’t paying him?
The Don: (just a big grin)
Mr. Pillow: BTW, did you hear the podcast hosted by Bannon was taken down because of an interview in which Bannon asked Rudy G. to stop telling the truth about the election? That Bannon told a reporter for CBS news, “I don’t mind being shut down for my craziness, but I’m not going to be shut down for yours.”
The Don: Fuck Bannon; he’s a psycho and he is a fucking slob. Rudy’s still out there telling the truth. That’s why I need him to defend me during the Senate trial.
Mr. Pillow: They’ll never convict you. But Is it true that Bill Belicheck, the New England Patriots coach, rejected the Presidential Medal of Freedom?
The Don: Belecheck is a loser.
Mr. Pillow: And the P.G.A. pulled its namesake tournament from a one of your golf courses?
The Don: I don’t need them. I prefer to have my golf course to myself and be in my own tournament.
Mr. Pillow: Universities are revoking honorary degrees? Some of the country’s biggest corporations, along with the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, pledged to withhold donations from congressional members who support your truth?
The Don: They will come around when they realize how much they need me and realize I am going to be reelected in 2024.
Mr. Pillow: And did that commie Bill de Blasio announce that New York City would end contracts with the Trump Organization to run two ice rinks and other concessions worth millions annually. That seems so cruel and unfair.
The Don: Everyone hates de Blasio. Total loser. He’ll get his comeuppance. And I hate all those families skating around on my ice anyway.
Mr. Pillow: And wow, Liz Cheney. Have you ever seen a more unpatriotic person? How dares she say: “The President of the United States summoned this mob, assembled the mob, and lit the flame of this attack.” And then actually said: “There has never been a greater betrayal by a President of the United States of his office and his oath to the Constitution.”
The Don: Her career is over. We will primary her and she will just be a distant memory. And those nine other weaklings. They will be crushed in their primaries as well. Qanon is already developing a list of opponents.
Mr. Pillow: Mr. President, I just love how in control you are.
The Don: BTW, what’s in that big bag?
Mr. Pillow: Well, it’s a few pillows?
The Don: What the fuck?
Mr. Pillow: But look inside.
The Don (rips the pillow open) These are plans for a military coup. Mike, when I am reinstalled, I am exchanging the traitor Mike for you, my you, my loyal Mike. You will be my next vice president.
Mr. Pillow: I would be honored to serve. BTW, Mr. President, is that a picture of the vice president on your desk? Is that a noose around his neck?
The Don: Anything else in that other pillow?
[Oval Office photos created by https://twitter.com/smearballz/status/1325572729584705536%5D