As a disdainful Don continues to spend his days riding around on his golf cart, taking mulligan after mulligan, thousands die every day and there are no second chances for them.
The rage I feel watching this split screen world is beyond words. The Don has the power to save lives and does nothing; he has abdicated the most essential aspect of his duty as president: to protect the American people.
He has no interest in the duties of being president, yet he wants to have the results of the election overturned, so he can have a job he doesn’t actually want. What he wants is not to lose; what he wants is the power to use his office to make as much money as he can; what he wants is to prosecute his enemies; what he wants is to run out the clock on the statute of limitations, so he won’t be prosecuted and wind up in prison for all the crimes he has committed. A second term of his presidency would lead to tens of thousands of unnecessary deaths, as his administration has no plan.
Let’s just look at the fairy tale of promised vaccinations. The Don’s spokespeople have gone from 100 million vaccinations administered (by December 31st), to 40 million, to 20 million, but only 3 million vaccinations to date (over a two- week period, which translates to 1 million per week.) At that rate, given the need for 660 million doses administered for each person to have 2 doses, we would be in the winter of 2023 before we achieved our goal. I guess “Operation Warp Speed,” which helped bring us a vaccine in record time has turned to ‘Operation Fizzle” when it comes to how we get people vaccinated. Pence and The Don have abdicated their responsibilities. When Pence, the head of the Pandemic Task force was asked about the distribution of the vaccine, he reportedly responded, “Umm, it will just get there.”
Thankfully, his fantasies and frivolous and specious lawsuits have been thwarted, ridiculed and stopped in their tracks.
Regardless, The Don carries on, hoping for a miracle on January 6th. Here is one of his recent tweets:
“The ‘Justice’ Department and FBI have done nothing about the 2020 Presidential Election Voter Fraud,” followed by these more ominous lines: “Never give up. See everyone in D.C. on January 6th.”
And Mike Pence, as sitting Vice President, has the task of simply reading the already certified electoral votes out loud to Congress to put the official stamp on the election. Nothing in either the text of the Constitution or the Electoral Count Act gives the vice president any substantive powers.
But as number one sycophant what will Pence do? Will he do his job or will the wrath of The Don persuade him to turn everything on its head?
There is something very Shakespearean about it all. A delicious irony. The man who religiously abided and defended The Don’s every whim asked to cast the final straw that brings him down, puts the knife in him?
Et Tu, Pence?
Pence, being a highly religious man, will have to confront the man he has treated like a God, and defy his will. All eyes will be on him. Will he or won’t he?
A tortured Pence has retreated to the ski slopes of Colorado. Rumor has it he has turned off his phone and not watched Fox News for days. The Don has been calling and texting non- stop. “Are you with me, Mikey?” Let’s flip this thing. Four more years! You know what happens if you don’t? Just saying.
Rumor has it that the tortured Pence has turned inward; he’s been praying a lot and those around him have described him as contemplative and Pencive. Who else to turn to during this Pencive time than his wife, who he affectionately refers to as “Mother.”
Below is an imagined conversation between the two:
Pence: Mother, can I speak to you? I am struggling with an ethical dilemma.
Mother: Of course, Mikey. Why don’t you lie down and put your head on my lap, and I’ll fill your sippy cup with tea.
Pence: Oh mother, what would I do without you? You are my world, though every once in a while I wish you would dress up like Melania, particularly the stiletto heels. That really gets me going.
Mother: Are you telling me your ethical dilemma is that, in your heart, you desire Melania?
Pence: That’s for another time. No you know January 6th is fast approaching and I have to do…
Mother: The nasty?
Pence: Mother, how can you talk about sex at a time like this?
Mother: You were the one who brought up that whore Melania and her stilettos. Don’t pin this on me Mikey.
Pence: Since when did you start referring to it as ‘the nasty’?
Mother: Isn’t that what women in stiletto heels do? They do the nasty.
Pence: Mother, can I get back to January 6th?
Mother: Of course, dear. Have a sip of your green tea.
Pence: Yes, good idea. So back to January 6th when I have to…
Mother: Do the nasty?
Pence: Will you stop it with the nasty stuff? What’s with you today? I should have never mentioned those stilettos. Jesus, Mother of Mary.
Mother: No, you shouldn’t have, Mikey. But I am not talking about that nasty. I’m talking about the nasty you have to do to the president.
Pence: Mother! Homosexuality is a sin.
Mother: Mikey, you are being very dense. Your ethical dilemma is clear: If you do your job in the manner prescribed in the constitution, then you are fucking the president and then you can kiss 2024 goodbye, as there is nothing more dangerous than igniting the wrath of betraying this president. To be more concise: He’ll fuck you and you’ll be fucked!
If you don’t do your job and allow him to cheat his way back into The White House, then you will be derelict in your duty to Jesus and then you’ll be fucked in the afterlife. So which way do you want to be fucked?
Pence: Mother, I just love it when you talk dirty to me. I say fuck this sippy cup and up with the nasty.
OMFG TRUMP - Tales From the Other Side 