When it is all said and done, Joe Biden will be our next president. And maybe, when this farcical (but dangerous) attempt to de-legitimize our democracy comes to a conclusion, only The Don and his consigliere Rudy G., will be the last two standing.
It’s a delicious fantasy: The Don and Rudy G. huddled in a corner of the oval office, orange dripping down The Don’s face; Rudy’s face dripping black from cheap hair dye or mascara.
Before the authorities come in to escort them out, Rudy will turn to The Don and say:
“If we don’t move and pretend we are not here, they won’t see us and then we live for another day.”
“Yes, yes,” The Don will whisper. “We can just do what we have done with the virus thing: Just pretend it doesn’t exist.”
“But you had the virus?”
“No I didn’t. It was all staged to project my superpowers to help me get people to love me more and go out and vote.
“And I won, but they cheated me.”
“Oh shit. I hear footsteps. They are coming for us.”
“No they are not.”
“Are you sure?”
“Would I lie to you?”
But until that delicious fantasy is realized, we endure day after day of The Don’s chaos making. The Don’s inability to deal with reality. He is now the “Greatest Loser” and his attempt to create new narratives to change the course of history is desperate and pathetic.
If you want to understand why you feel like you are going crazy witnessing this circus, The Don’s recent tweet says it all:
“Hopefully the Courts and/or Legislatures will have the COURAGE to do what has to be done to maintain the integrity of our Elections, and the United States of America itself.”
What? Wait a second. The courts are doing their jobs to maintain the integrity of the election, so I am confused. Oh, that’s because the courts should be invalidating the results of the election because it was fixed. But I thought? You thought what? So it’s like we are at a basketball game and the final buzzer rings and your team has lost but someone from the other team gets control over the computer that controls the scoreboard and suddenly the losing team has now won? Yep. But isn’t that cheating, fucking with reality? Maybe. Isn’t there something wrong with that? Nah. But. But what? But isn’t it clear that the team that won, won? Not if the team that looks like it won cheated. Is there evidence? I watched the same game you watched and I didn’t see any cheating, just a hard fought battle. Do you know who Hugo Chavez is? Do you know who George Soros is? Kind of. They are some bad dudes, believe me. But Hugo Chavez has been dead for a while. So, you think dead people can’t influence elections? Of course not! Are you that naïve? Have you ever seen the “Walking Dead?” The TV show? Yep. I’m a big fan. So you understand? So I understand what? That there is a plot by all the dead people who have been on the show all these years to vote for Joe Biden. Are you fucking serious? What kind of crazy shit is that? Look if you subtract all the dead people who came out of their graves to vote for Joe Biden then The Don wins. Just do the math.
And now more highlights of this desperate attempt to thwart reality.
In one court room scene, Rudy G. demanded that the judge invalidate nearly seven million votes cast in the state because of what he called “widespread, nationwide voter fraud.” When the judge pressed him for evidence of this alleged fraud, Rudy G. pivoted rather dramatically: “This is not a fraud case.”
If I were the judge (fun to pretend) I would have said: You presented this as a case of fraud, but when questioned to show evidence of this fraud, you said it wasn’t a fraud case. But I disagree: It is a fraud case because you are a fraud. And I will be making a formal complaint to the bar and I don’t mean William.
In a federal courtroom on Tuesday in Williamsport, Pa., Mr. Giuliani asserted that the president had won Pennsylvania’s 20 electoral votes, except that they had been stolen by a “mafia” of Democratic leaders across the state. “The ballots might have been from Mickey Mouse,” he added.
I’m confused. Were the ballots stolen by a mafia or did Mickey Mouse stuff the ballot boxes with votes for Biden? Or are you accusing M.M. of running a mafia ring? Are they selling Disney characters as sex slaves, too?
Rumor has it that Mickey Mouse was furious about being implicated in the charade. His statement to the press was:
I am America’s Mouse. Rudy used to be America’s Mayor. As the original and most influential member of the Disney Club, I hereby decree that Rudy is banned for life from any and all Disney Properties.
One of The Don’s lawyers, Sidney Powell, pushed the whacky theory that Venezuela, Cuba and other “communist” interests had used a secret algorithm to hack into voting machines and steal millions of votes from President Trump.
“The Dominion Voting Systems, the Smartmatic technology software, and the software that goes in other computerized voting systems here as well, not just Dominion, were created in Venezuela at the direction of Hugo Chavez,” Powell declared.
Not only were these nefarious machines used in only a few counties but do you seriously believe Hugo Chavez was an algorithm kind of guy? But maybe, just maybe, he was a pal of Mickey Mouse?
One more thing. The Lt Governor of Texas offered rewards (up to a million dollars!) for anyone who could prove a dead person voted. The Lt Governor of Pennsylvania, took him up on it and proved that two committed the fraud. He’s still waiting for his money!