Watching the drama of The Don’s refusal to concede unfold, I struggled to find a way to organize my thoughts.
We did learn that The Don believed he was the “golden goose” for Fox News and wants to destroy all the eggs he produced for them because they called Arizona for Biden and had the nerve to call the election for Biden. Now that’s a fight I would pay to see. Maybe that’s what the 3rd season of “Succession” (the HBO series based on Rupert Murdoch and his media empire), should be.
I also heard the word non-zero used for the first time in my life in reference to one of The Don’s frivolous lawsuits. The Don’s lawyer was arguing that there weren’t poll workers observing in certain polling places. When the judge pushed the lawyer on that nonsense he actually said: “There were nonzero people in that room,” a tactic that seemed straight out of “Alice in Wonderland.” Was that a planned strategy to confuse the judge? “Of course,” said the judge, “nonzero people, makes perfect sense to me. Your case is uphelddown. “What,” said the lawyer, “do we win or lose?”
We also got to see Rudy G. go so low he now lives in the sewer. Do you see the look in his eyes? Someone should find the rabid dog that bit him (or the dog he bit?) before it finds another victim. There was Rudy pushing the president’s case at a press conference at “The Four Seasons.”
Rumor has it that Rudy was trying to increase the crowd size so he thought if he announced the press conference was taking place at the Four Seasons (the swanky hotel in downtown Philadelphia), reporters would think: That’s kind of posh, maybe they’ll serve martinis and caviar.
Instead they found themselves in a parking lot in North Philadelphia in front of Four Seasons Total Landscaping, which was buttressed by a sex shop, a crematorium, and a jail. When asked why he chose this spot, rumor has it he replied: “I thought it was perfect. Sex sells, there is so much death going around from that annoying virus and well jail, that’s where we are going if we don’t turn these election results around.”
You have to love the owners of Four Seasons Total Landscaping as they capitalized on the publicity and created t-shirts like Lawn and Order and Make America Rake Again. The Don was so impressed with their capacity to monetize the situation that he called the owner to inquire if he wanted to be part of his Treasury Department during his second term.
But it gets better. The freak show included a passionate plea from Daryl Brooks, who claimed he was a poll worker and wasn’t given access to watch the counting of the votes. Turns out Daryl had a somewhat checkered past as he was incarcerated in the 1990s on charges of sexual assault, lewdnes,s and endangering the welfare of a minor for exposing himself to two girls ages 7 and 11. Frankly, not the kind of guy you want looking too closely at anything.
It would all be deliciously absurd if it wasn’t so devastating and amoral. The attention on The Don’s antics while the pandemic surges makes it feel like we are living in yes, you got it, an alternate reality. ICU’s across the nation reaching capacity, medical staff overworked and traumatized, the number of cases moving toward 200,000/day-a death march of catastrophic proportions. Meanwhile The Don is having a tantrum and Republicans are placating him as usual.
What is The Don thinking. No one knows for sure but here are my thoughts in verse. Hope you enjoy it
No I won’t be going!
No, I won’t be going
No I won’t,
Those dumb poll workers
Don’t know how to count the vote.
Oh my Lord, oh my Lord
This election is a fraud,
But I have a true North Star
His name is William Barr.
Mitch is my bitch
And Lindsey is so flimsy,
The G.O.P is now the D.J.T
they jump at my every whimsy.
70 million know
That I am the way
am the dope, fuck the Pope,
Have more swagger than Mick Jagger.
Democracy, meh,
Such hypocrisy it is,
I am clever as a cat
And will be your beloved autocrat.
So listen MAGA people,
It will all be okay,
I will find a way out of this mess,
I’ve consulted O.J.
Rudy G. will take them down
Don’t mind those who say he’s a clown,
He is a man of great reason,
Don’t mind the sex offender you saw at the Four Seasons.
They say I am brooding,
They say I am down,
But it’s just a ploy,
I’m readying to burn the house down.
So let me say it again,
I won’t go, I won’t go,
This rodeo is staying
Let’s begin the 2nd season of this show.
We got such good ratings
We put Fox News on the map
But those losers betrayed me
When it is said and done, will see who’s the sap.
We will fight to the finish
So give me your last dime,
Cause they’re going to defund the police,
We are running out of time.
All the proof you need is in their VP
She’s black, she’s an immigrant,
She’s a minority,
A real enemy.
This is our country,
The land of the free,
Let blacks in your hood
You’ll see where you’ll be.
And those cases that are rising,
Don’t believe their math,
They are fucking with your mind
Leading you down a false path.
It’s all a ploy to make me look bad
Oh, those poor TV pundits looking so sad
They’re all such losers for taking me to task
Fuck them, say no when they say wear a mask.
So let me say it again,
I won’t go, I won’t go,
This rodeo is staying
Let’s begin the 2nd season of this show.
And if for some reason,
They cancel the 2nd season,
I’ll be back with a roar
And whip their butts in 2024.
OMFG TRUMP - Tales From the Other Side 