The pandemic has made our lives monotonous. No going out to a movie, no going to a baseball game singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” no hugging your friends.
The virus is just so old news to The Don that he barely ever mentions it. And when you ask him about it, he is just so over it. It’s as if he is saying: “Are you kidding me, are we still going down that road?” It’s so monotonous. How many cases, how many deaths, blah, blah, blah.” How about someone ask me about my new set of titanium golf clubs?
Yes, things are monotonous.
You have no job.
You spend hours in your car waiting to get food.
You wait hours on lines to get tested for the virus.
You watch the trajectory of cases and deaths keep rising everyday across the country when in most of the world they have been brought under control.
You listen to an incompetent, negligent, malignant narcissist president deny reality and foster a genocide of neglect.
You listen to him repeat and defend his fantasy land appraisal of his handling of the pandemic during an interview with Fox’s Chris Wallace on July 19th where he says: “It’s going to disappear, and I’ll be right,” Mr. Trump said. “Because I’ve been right probably more than anybody else.”
You listen to the president and his entourage disparage the truth-telling Anthony Fauci, our epidemiologist extraordinaire, on a daily basis.
You watch in utter disbelief as Republican lawmakers frightened of a presidential tweetstorm put their heads in the sand and be complicit in the genocide of neglect.
You watch people flout their liberty with irreverence by refusing to wear a mask, putting others at risk.
The monotony is numbing.
But wait, I see something that can help. Like Glinda in the Wizard of Oz, there is something glowing in the sky, moving towards us. Could it be the help we need? There is hope because it is Ivanka, the Princess of Darkness and she has come to tell us everything will be alright if we just “Find Something New.”
In an act of mind- boggling tone deafness, Ms., “I have never experienced a moment of hardship in my life,” is telling us to click our heels three times and to find a new you.
The princess of darkness had this to say during the launch of her initiative: Now, as a result of Covid, people need to, unfortunately, in some cases learn a completely new skill. But that is also an opportunity to be put on for a new trajectory for themselves and their lives and we want to facilitate that connection back to the workforce and make it as smooth as possible.”
I am so inspired that I find myself humming “Whistle While You Work,” from Disney’s “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.” Who is your favorite dwarf? Mine is definitely Grumpy!
The princess of darkness had this to say during the launch of her initiative: “Now, as a result of Covid, people need to, unfortunately, in some cases learn a completely new skill. But that is also an opportunity to be put on for a new trajectory for themselves and their lives and we want to facilitate that connection back to the workforce and make it as smooth as possible.”
Don’t you love the use of the word “trajectory?” It’s so insidious and ironic. Frankly, the only trajectory I am interested in is a downward one: the one that shows the number of cases and deaths from the virus decreasing the way it does all over Europe. Now that’s a trajectory I can get behind!
What would our beacon of hope and opportunity, have us do? What will these new pathways to transformation be?
How about a million new online Pilates and Yoga instructors to shore up our peace of mind and our cores?
How about learning to bake and open up your own cupcake factory?
How about inventing a fun way of restraining children so you don’t abuse them because they are always around?
How about getting in to the window building business to offset the possibility that if Joe Biden is elected that would “basically mean no windows.” What?
How about learning construction in case Biden wins because he would “abolish the suburbs.”
The Princess of Darkness urged her fellow Americans to take something from her devil-daddy’s press conference as it was so inspiring.
“We have great agreements where when Biden and Obama used to bring killers out, they would say don’t bring them back to our country, we don’t want them. Well, we have to, we don’t want them. They wouldn’t take them. Now with us, they take them. Someday, I’ll tell you why. Someday, I’ll tell you why. But they take them and they take them very gladly. They used to bring them out and they wouldn’t even let the airplanes land if they brought them back by airplanes. They wouldn’t let the buses into their country. They said we don’t want them. Said no, but they entered our country illegally and they’re murderers, they’re killers in some cases.”
So I guess we should be taking something. A new career as takers. I get it. We should become like you and your devil-daddy and all his cronies. Just take and take and take, and all will be fine. But there is nothing to left to take. Should would just build on your initiative and just “Take Something New?”
What else can we do, Princess of Darkness, Ivanka? Promote Goya products, you say. Oh that is a great idea. (Who reading this thinks Ivanka has ever let her lips near a Goya product?) How about starting a company called Moya of Goya?
Thanks, Ivanka. You are a true visionary. I see a new dawn coming. It’s called November 3rd and we will definitely be finding something new!
OMFG TRUMP - Tales From the Other Side 