The Tale of Two Viruses: Part 11

“Open Sesame” says the Very Stable Genie Genius Don. “Your wish is my command,” reply Republican governors, as they open their states for business, even though none of them have met the administration’s own guidelines for phase one opening up. ( A few Democratic states have opened as well.)

In a move so outrageous and unconscionable, he has not allowed a CDC report to be released that details specifically step by step actions to enable states to open up safely.

The Don believes his only chance for re-election is to return to the economic glory days of his administration (Read that as: the rich got richer ,and the rest…meh?). The problem is he is doing it the wrong way; his delusional nature, coupled with his inability to listen to the facts, will backfire on him. Anyone worth their two cents has made it clear that the only way to steadily and securely bring the economy back is to effectively deal with the health crisis first: more testing, tracking, isolating those exposed, and repeat!

Let’s face the facts, Don.

Businesses opening doesn’t mean customers will patronize them.

The most recent polls show 65% of the country against opening up too soon.

Customer 1: Mr. President, I think I’ll take a pass at getting that ice cream cone or new pair of Levis, as from where I sit it ain’t worth dying for.

As soon as someone goes into a business and there is a Covid infection reported, that business will become a pariah.

Customer 2: Hey, you can’t drag me out my own home and force me to go to the mall.

Customers 3-100: Oh shit, see that store over there, we are never going in that place again no matter how much they clean it.

For businesses to make money, people need money. 33 million people are now unemployed and that probably isn’t the true number because millions have not been able to file, not to mention the workers who have had their pay and hours reduced.

Customers 101-1000: I spent 3 hours in my car waiting for food from a food bank so I don’t think I’ll be buying new tires for my pick-up, Mr. President. And why won’t you increase food stamp allowance? Are you trying to starve us to death?

Fintan O’Toole from the Irish Times wrote: “The country Trump promised to make great again has never in its history seemed so pitiful. Will American prestige ever recover from this shameful incident?”,

Say what about America the Great? Who ya callin pitiful? I am going to makes some calls and round up my posse and we are going to show Ireland what pitiful is. Them is fightin words and America will kick your ass for even thinking that.

But sadly, O’Toole is hauntingly correct.

Fact: In early March South Korea and the U.S. both had the same small amount of cases. As of a few days ago, South Korea had 250 deaths and we have over 70,000. Even if you multiply South Korea’s population by 7 (which would equal the U.S’s population) the total number of deaths would come to about 2,000. How did South Korea achieve this: testing, tracking and isolation of those exposed and repeat! (By the end of April, new cases in South Korea were down to less than 10 a day. In the United States at that time, the pandemic raged at a daily rate of more than 25,000 newly sick.)

So yes, The Don’s response has been pitiful, dreadful and “deadful.”

When asked about the impact of opening up too soon, The Don said:

“Will some people be affected? Yes. Will some people be affected badly? Yes, “but we have to get our country open and we have to get it open soon.

Wow, some will be affected badly. Is that bad like I got an F on a paper? Has it ever crossed your mind to equate bad and dead? Said like the true amoral creature (was going to use the word human) he is. It reminds me of the classic scene in Monty Python’s Holy Grail where the night is having his limbs dismembered one by one and nonchalantly saying: “It’s just a flesh wound”.

Mr. Bone spurs encouraged Americans to be “warriors.”

How about this Mr. Wartime President: I’ll go in to the mall if you go? I’ll go to work at the meat plants if you go. So? Don’t think so, you pathetic pusillanimous pea-head!

And Mr. President, you would have to wear a mask. “Not for me”, you say.

“I didn’t even wear a mask when I went to the mask factory in Arizona. That’s what a warrior I am.”

That’s true. The Don and his feckless musketeers toured the factory without masks despite signs saying:

Please wear your mask at all times.

However, he did wear goggles, as he thought they were kind of cool. Made him feel like an Olympic swimmer.

Rumor has it that he had this conversation with an aide.

“Have I ever told you about how great a swimmer I was?

“But Mr. President, these are construction site goggles.”

“Nah, I saw Michael Phelps wearing them in the Olympics. How many medals did he win? He’s lucky I became a real estate billionaire or else the record would have been mine.”

“I don’t doubt it Mr. President. You were an amazing athlete. If I recall, the best baseball player in New York during the time of Mickey Mantle.”

“Very impressed you remember that. Come see me later I have a cabinet post for you.”

“Anyway, this mask thing is so silly. Maybe I would consider a Batman mask. Maybe this factory should be making those kind of masks. Make people feel more like warriors when they get out there and restore the economy. Batman is a hero. Maybe I’ll bring that up with the head of the plant. What a genius idea, don’t you think?”

“Like you, he is a man who saves people’s lives. But a couple problems with that kind of mask, sir.”

“What’s that?

“Well, the virus is thought to have come from bats, so wearing a Batman mask might not be the best look.”

“Um, and what’s the second problem?”

“The Batman mask doesn’t cover your nose or mouth.”

“And that’s important?”

“Mr. President, let’s keep this genius idea between you and me for now, as they are waiting for you to continue the tour.”

And to think the tour of the mask factory was accompanied by Paul McCartney’s “Live and Let Die.” Honestly, you can’t make this shit up.

Reigning in the pandemic is so old news and boring for The Don that he decided to disband the Coronavirus Task Force. After all, we are focused on the economy now, so who needs a bunch of people wasting their time trying to manage a pandemic that is now predicted to take 130,000 lives? We are witnessing what I am calling a genocide of neglect. There is no outrage that more will die; there are no tears. Instead we have a malignant narcissist akin to Hitler himself who is annoyed that people don’t want to go shopping at malls and forcing people to go to work where there is a chance they could die. Hannah Arendt called this The Banality of Evil.

After pronouncing the end of the task, The Don received feedback from some of his people that it might be bad optics to shut it down. Some were saying that people might get the impression that he really didn’t care about people dying, that the virus was just a bug he could just ignore without a plan to get rid of it. So he changed his mind.

“I thought we could wind it down sooner,” Mr. Trump told reporters as he hosted nurses in the Oval Office to sign a proclamation honoring National Nurses Day. “But I had no idea how popular the task force is until actually yesterday. When I started talking about winding it down, I got calls from very respected people saying, ‘I think it would be better to keep it going.’”

Once again, The Don is all about ratings. Like a terrible TV show with a cult following the producers convinced the network to create more episodes. The new iteration may have new characters. Perhaps they will kill off some current cast members. You know, the ones who try to tell the truth. (Watch your back Fauci, there may be poison in your club soda!)

And in a cruel twist in “Survivor,” The Don will continue trying to toss out all of the Affordable Care Act, even as some in his administration, including Attorney General William “Lower the Barr” have privately argued parts of the law should be preserved amid a pandemic.

“We want to terminate health care under Obamacare,” said The Don. Rumor has it that he whispered to an aide : “I don’t care how many people have to die because they lose their healthcare as long as I kill everything that is connected to that black president.”

And on a positive note, Joe Biden is leading The Don by 10% points among older voters. At this point, Hillary was down by 5%. If this disparity continues The Don can’t possibly win his re-election.

The Don didn’t take this news well. He was perplexed that the most vulnerable population might be concerned about his handling of the pandemic. So The Don’s people came up with a strategy.

Standing in the ornate East Room at the White House earlier this month, for instance, Mr. Trump surrounded himself with health officials as he signed a proclamation declaring May to be “Older Americans Month.”