While the country continues to careen deeper in to the Covid-19 crisis, The Don is creating a real time version of “Survivor.”
In this version, The Don pretends to be a war-time leader during a dark time. Each day he comes out on live TV and spins tales of his greatness and creates a Darwinian world where people and states fight to get what they need to mitigate the death toll.
In the first episode, The Don sets the tone for the show:
“Respirators, ventilators, all of the equipment — try getting it yourselves (said to governors.) We will be backing you, but try getting it yourselves. Point of sales, much better, much more direct if you can get it yourselves.”
New York State Governor, Andrew Cuomo and governors from Michigan and Illinois, have taken to the airwaves decrying the fact that, in their search for desperately needed ventilators, they have been in a bidding war with each other. A complete lack of a centrally organized federal response has left them without the equipment they need to obviate the choice of doctors to decide who shall live and who shall die.
Let’s dissect that. In the great U.S., governors are bidding with each other for life-saving equipment. To the Don, it is like bidding on real estate. Rumor has it that he recently commented to one of his aides that “It’s a dog eat dog world. These governors are just wimps. When I had my eye on a property, I got that property. I did whatever it took: sometimes it was nasty, but I always won.”
In his efforts to undermine and weaken one of the contestants, Governor, Andrew Cuomo, The Don told Sean Hannity that he had “a feeling that a lot of the numbers that are being said in some areas are just bigger than they’re going to be. I don’t believe you need 40,000 or 30,000 ventilators (in New York.)”
Then in an attempt to turn Cuomo in to hateful contestant he tweeted that the governor had simply misplaced the ventilators: “Thousands delivered Federal Government Ventilators found in New York storage. N.Y. must distribute NOW!” (Cuomo responded that the president was wrong and “grossly uninformed.”)
Rumor has it that he turned to his aide and said: “Cuomo is getting too much air time and good ratings, we need to bring him down to size. Other governors will turn on him when they think he is hoarding ventilators, while crying like a baby that he needs more.” (Cuomo responded that the president was wrong and “grossly uninformed.”)
He went on to say, “You know they hate me in New York. I made that town what it is, but now they hate me. They don’t appreciate all the great things I am doing. Now that I think of it, New York, San Francisco, Chicago are all part of blue states. Those people don’t vote for me. That’s an interesting story line for the show. Red Vs Blue.
Aide: That’s pure political genius.
The Don: It’s like the civil war all over again. It’s time to take back our country.
Aide: Yes it is, Mr. President.
The Don: But I’ve got to say that after I do the press conferences the entire virus thing is so boring. This staying in place. Shutting down America thing. Real Americans don’t do that. We need to get back to work. We need normalcy. This virus thing is requiring me to work way too much. I miss golf. Hey, I have an idea, how about give the press conferences from one of my golf courses?
Aide: I don’t know Mr. President. Could be bad optics.
The Don: You think so?
Aide: Mr. President, people are dying out there.
People die everyday! People are too scared. America can’t be shut down. Seems to me “the cure is worse than the problem”. I want a news crew to come down with me to my Jersey course and I will tee off, like I just teed off on that incompetent Governor of Michigan. Can you believe the nerve of that woman? All she has to do is say what a great job I’m doing, you know, show a little love and she can get all the ventilators and masks she needs.
Aide: Not a good look Mr. President.
The Don: Which?
Aide Both, Teeing off on the governor and teeing off on the golf course.
The Don: But you are missing the point. I stand tall and look out down the fairway and say ‘America, we are back. It’s time to get back to work.’ Powerful image don’t you think. Me standing tall, going in to my perfect swing with my 3 iron and yelling “Fore, America is moving forward. Like that-fore, forward. Stable genius, stable genius, that’s me.
Did you hear what Dr. Birx, the science nerd, said about me?
“He has been so attentive to the details and the data, and his ability to analyze and integrate data has been a real benefit during these discussions about medical issues.”
Aide: Absolutely, you are the most stable genius I know. She finally gets you. At first, I wasn’t sure she was all in with you-she seemed more on the side of that little shit Tony.
The Don: You mean Little Tony, the guy who wants to be a big guy? He’s lucky he is still up on the stage. Maybe I should just put him way at the end of the stage so he is off camera.
Aide: That would be so funny Mr. President. So what do you think made get so stable genius about you yesterday?
The Don: Well, let me say this. Everyone has their price. Everyone has something in their past you can exploit.
Aide: Like Biden and the Ukraine, that kind of thing.
Exactly. And let me tell you that science nerd has done some crazy shit in her day-beyond kinky, so I made her an offer she couldn’t refuse. Totally loyalty and praising my genius or total exposure. I showed her the clip Fox News was ready to run.
That’s genius, sir.
The Don: Also, isn’t amazing that only 100,000 to 200.000 people will die. It could have been 2 million. Now that’s victory. Talk about statistics to gloat about on the next episode.
Aide: Great for your ratings, sir.
Did you see my tweet about my ratings:
Because the “Ratings” of my News Conferences etc. are so high, “Bachelor finale, Monday Night Football type numbers” according to the @nytimes, the Lamestream Media is going CRAZY. “Trump is reaching too many people, we must stop him.” said one lunatic. See you at 5:00 P.M.!
Also, it’s so annoying how we have had to delay the return to work for a few weeks but on the next episode I can preview the return to normalcy by having the Easter Bunny appear with me on the golf course. Better look?
Genius, Mr. President, total genius. Previewing the resurrecting of the country during the resurrection.
The Don: What?
Aide: You know, Jesus returning from the dead.
The Don: You believe that shit? Who needs Jesus when they have me?
Aide: Absolutely, Mr. President. Absolutely. Who is Jesus compared to you?
Albert Camus wrote in his prescient novel ” The Plague” that “The only way to fight the plague is with decency.” A president who celebrates his TV ratings while people are dying has no decency. Let’s hope the America people do.
OMFG TRUMP - Tales From the Other Side 