The Orange Light Of Stupidity

Finally, the light bulb went on for the NATO leaders. After all the sucking up, flattery and attempts to cajole The Don in to working together, The NATO leaders joined together to ridicule him. The most feared and powerful man in the world became the object of mockery in the most public of ways. By association, America’s place in the world continues to plummet before our very eyes; flushed down the toilet. The Don, humiliated by the discourse, took his marbles and left the party early. The rage that the big man with the little hands must have felt during the plane ride home could have fueled the flight.

But why waste our time talking about the U.S. as the laughing stock of the world when we can talk about light bulbs and toilets. Foreign policy, meh? A good flush- now we are talking.

With his impeachment looming, The Don, waxed poetically during a small business round table Friday afternoon at the White House.

After addressing the deadly shooting at a Naval base in Pensacola, Florida, where he outrageously defended the Saudi regime, The Don abruptly pivoted to complaining about the environmentally friendly light bulbs.

“The lightbulb — they got rid of the lightbulb that people got used to”, The Don lamented,  “The new ones (energy efficient), doesn’t make you look as good.”

“Of course, being a vain person, that’s very important to me. Gives you an orange look,” Trump said. “I don’t want an orange look — has anyone noticed that? So we’ll have to change those bulbs in at least a couple of rooms where I am in the White House.”

I am impressed. At least The Don has some awareness; he knows he is a vain person. And you really have to be impressed with his ability to blame everything on anything but himself.

Question: When you sit in front of an energy efficient light bulb do you suddenly look orange? I tried it the other day and the results were actually sad. No matter how I positioned myself I still was a pale white dude. Frankly, I could have used a little color to make me look less like a corpse.

“We have a situation where we’re looking very strongly at sinks and showers, and other elements of bathrooms where you turn the faucets on in areas where there’s tremendous amounts of water where the water rushes out to sea because you could never handle it,” Trump said. “And you don’t get any water. You turn on the faucet, you take a shower and the water comes dripping out.”

Trump then said that he directed the Environmental Protection Agency to look at opening up water standards “very strongly” given how “people are flushing toilets 10 times, 15 times, as opposed to once” and “end up using more water.”

Anyone here know what “strongly looking at sinks” means?

How quaint The Don opining about wasting water. Under that the venal despicable deregulator of environmental protection, the one wants to undo emissions standards and has allowed known carcinogens to be reintroduced, is a save-the-planet kind of guy. Makes me just want to gag and throw up in one of those toilet bowls that don’t flush properly and force him to peer in to it.

And did you know when you flush or take a shower that all the water that you use “rushes out to sea?” No wonder the oceans are so polluted and the ecological balance is being decimated: it’s all that dirty body water and shit floating around.

And wouldn’t you know it, William, Lowe the Barr, decided to get in to the act describing the degradation of our country.

“This is not decay,” Barr said. “This is organized destruction. Secularists and their allies have marshaled all the forces of mass communication, popular culture, the entertainment industry, and academia in an unremitting assault on religion & traditional values.”* But what people didn’t hear him say was: Look what happened to our light bulbs; look how we have lost the consistency of a good flush! This is so outrageous that I am asking the justice department to look in to how the secularists were destroying our country because of their devious light bulb switching. We will shine a light on this subversion of traditional values and culture.

And then there is Rudy G. who is back in the Ukraine working on his new mockumentary called: They Did This, Right?

Rumor has it that Rudy G. offered a piece of his lucrative consulting business to the great mockumentary director, Christopher Guest, (This is Spinal Tap, Waiting for Guffman, Best in Show) to help him make his movie.

Guest declined because he was currently working on a mockumentary of his own entitled: Worst in Show: The Orange Light of Stupidity, about a certain orange president.

Though disappointed that Guest turned him down, Rudy G. is dogged in his pursuit of the facts. Rumor has it that he is wandering around Ukraine with a sandwich board with a photo of Hunter Biden that says: I’ll give you $100 if you can give me dirt on this guy.  

The back of the board is also of interest. In a shout out to The Don’s foreign policy it decries:  Let’s shine a light on corruption and flush it down the drain.

Man, are we in orange times or what?

*(Barr spent years profiting off of these same industries he is attacking. He served as general counsel at Verizon for eight years, held a paid position on the board of Time Warner for nine, and represented telecoms giant GTE in the 1990s.)