Take Me Out To The Ball Game

Take me out to the ball game

Take me out to the crowd,

Buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks

I don’t care if I ever get back.

Let me root, root, root for the home team,

If they don’t win it’s a shame,


For it’s one,


Three strikes you’re out,

At the ole ball game.


Take me out to the ball game,

The crowd will love, love that I’m here.

How come the cameras are on the game

I am here so they must be insane.

Call down and tell them to show me

The guy that’s up is a chump,

Cause it’s me, myself, myself and I

And I am the great Trump


Game Three of the World Series

When the applause erupted for the men and women of the military, The Don was miffed and snorted off to his surround sound of sycophants: “Can you believe they are showing them first. It’s a conspiracy. Call Bill Barr and tell him to start an investigation! After all, I was the one responsible for killing Bagdhadhi. It was me and the dog. I usually hate dogs, but this dog Conan is a ‘beautiful dog’.” He is as beautiful as my phone call to Zellinksy. He’s just so great, so great.

OMFG TRUMP - Conan Dog.jpg

“Mr. President, look you are on the Jumbotron.”

“Boo, Boo, Boo, Boo, Boo, Boo.”

“Are they booing me?”

“No Mr. President, they are saying you are bootiful.”

(The crowd at the stadium is chanting)

“Lock him up.” “Lock him up, Lock him up.”

(The Don laughs)

“I can’t believe they are chanting that about Biden. Smart fans, smart fans. They know what’s really going on in the deep-state. They know I was rooting out corruption in the Ukraine. We have the least corruption in our administration of any administration. We cleaned out the swamp. And the fans here in Washington and all America knows what’s going on.

They know the Impeachment thing is another witch-hunt. The commie Dems still can’t get over me beating them, and wait till I beat them again.  They will cry like dogs. God I hate dogs, well- I did love the Baghdadi dog, but hate dogs…hate’em.

“Now they are showing the military people again. This game is so boring so let’s get out of here.”

“For the record, I just want to say, that the reason I didn’t throw out the first pitch was because I didn’t want to hurt the catcher. Burn a hole right through his glove. Wouldn’t I?

“Of course Mr. President. I pity the catcher’s hand.”

“By the way, do you know that when I was a teenager, I was the best baseball player in New York and that was when Mickey Mantle was on the Yankees They wanted me to play for them, but I was like: I got real estate to sell and I’m going to be more famous than Mickey Mantle, so no thanks. Turns out I was right. I got to be president and Mickey Mantle he became a loser and drank himself to death.  He was kind of like John McCain- a loser. Mickey was scared of me being a Yankee cause he knew I would outshine him, that it would be Trump batting third and Maris batting fourth. It would have been Trump breaking Babe Ruth’s home run record, not Roger Maris. The only reason Maris broke the Babe’s record was because of the short right porch in right field. My dingers would be over the center field wall and back in those days it was 461 Feet. They would have built a monument for me in Monument Park, just like they are going to add me to Mt. Rushmore. I already have plans being drawn up for the construction. This is easy stuff for me as I am in real estate. Building things is part of my DNA, like the wall, oh the bootiful wall we are building to protect us from the vermin.

OMFG TRUMP - mickey mantle

(Getting in to the vehicle to go back to the White House)

Can you believe what a boring game it was? They only showed me for like a few seconds. Call Barr and tell him to start an investigation. When I call in to Fox tomorrow, I am going to have the owner of that team taken to task. If I had known they were going to show me for only 10 seconds, I would have never come.

(Back in the White House watching Fox News.)

Tucker Carlson: What an amazing night for the president at the ball park. The crowd gave him a standing ovation and screamed ‘bootiful, bootiful.” The best part was when they chanted “Lock him up” for Joe Biden. All in all, a day to remember. Who cares that the Nationals lost and are suddenly one game from elimination after taking a 2 games to none lead. (They ultimately came back to win 4 games to 3!)

OMFG TRUMP - tucker carlson.jpg

The Nationals are losers and choked, not like the president. He is the greatest under pressure, a total winner. And he will single-handedly beat the loser impeachment team. The president will play all nine positions. Actually, he won’t need to because the grounds for impeachment are so weak, and his curve ball is so devastating, that they won’t touch it. And every once in a while when he unleashes a fastball they won’t even see it. They will just whiff on everything, so no need for position players. The president is the team. And look at the pathetic players he will be up against.”

“Here’s their pathetic batting order:

Leading off: Nervous, No Hit, Nancy

Batting Second: Shifty “Shoeless” Schiff

Batting Third: Jerrold, The Nebbish, Nadler

Batting 4th: Marie, Yucky, Yavanovitch

Batting 5th: Gordon, Sucker, Sondland

Batting 6th: William, Two Timer, Taylor

Batting 7th: Alexander, The Traitor, Vinman

Batting 8th:  Whiffing Whistle blower

Batting 9th: Who’s that I see grabbing a bat. Could it be Lev, The Punk, Parness?

“So everyone: Let’s play ball!”


The Don on his baseball prowess:

“I was always the best athlete. Something that nobody knew about me…I was the best baseball player in New York when I was young…But I also knew that it was very limited, because in those days you couldn’t even make a lot of money playing baseball…Everybody wanted me to be a baseball player. But I was good in other sports too. I was good in wrestling, I was very good at football. I was always the best at sports.”







One comment

  1. Good one! Good idea quoting his own words. You can’t write anything more absurd. ________________________________


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