The Don cancelled his trip to Poland, a missed bromance opportunity to hang with fellow autocrat, Jaroslaw Kaczynski.
No immigrant-bashing and kielbasa for you, Don.
The Don decided he should stay put at his Bedminster Golf Resort in New Jersey to keep a close eye on the storm. It was so cool to get updates of hurricane Dorian’s devastation while playing golf.
Parts of the Bahamas had been decimated, but The Don complained about one the holes on the course where there was too much water in the water trap. “Can someone drain that thing? It’s so annoying.”
The Don, Weatherman-in-Chief, decided that Alabama was in the path of the storm and to paraphrase said:
Alabama, Carolina, North Carolina and Georgia would “most likely be hit (much) harder than anticipated.”
Alabamians, who were not expecting to be hit, did a double take and exclaimed a collective “WTF?”
Soon after The Don’s erroneous comment, the Alabama office of the National Weather Service quickly responded to The Don’s original claim by insisting that “Alabama will NOT see any impacts from #Dorian.”
“We repeat, no impacts from Hurricane #Dorian will be felt across Alabama,” the office tweeted. “The system will remain too far east.”
The Don, not being one to admit a mistake, fought back and produced his now infamous redrawn map with Alabama included in the hurricane’s path.
If darling Barron had done that in school, he would have been summoned to the principle’s office and Melania would have been called in. Eventually, Barron would admit his transgression and be forced to write 100 times:
I am not a sociopathic liar like my father. It is good to be able to admit you have done something wrong.
But The Don being The Don kept it up:
“This was the originally projected path of the hurricane in its early stages,” he said. “As you can see, almost all models predicted it to go through Florida also hitting Georgia and Alabama. I accept the Fake News apologies!”
Given the absurdity of the Weatherman-in-Chief, I thought it would be fun to take the refrain from the song “Sweet Home Alabama” and create a few stanzas. If you don’t know the song, here is a link:
Listen to it and then sing along.
First the original:
Sweet home Alabama
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet home Alabama
Lord, I’m coming home to you
Now my verses:
Sweet home Alabama
Dorian is coming for you
Sweet Home Alabama
Lord, its going to kick the shit out of you
Sweet Home Alabama
The National Weather Service says no
Sweet Home Alabama
Trust me, I am the greatest weatherman the world has known
Sweet home Alabama
I took my sharpie to the map
Sweet home Alabama
Tell the fake news media to shut their trap
Sweet home Alabama
The home of the Crimson Tide
Sweet Home Alabama
Dorian is coming, you better run and hide
Sweet Home Alabama
The home where Roy Moore lives
Sweet Home Alabama,
I hung with Jeffrey Epstein, so what gives?
Sweet home Alabama
I know you believe what I say
Sweet Home Alabama
Believe in me till Judgment Day
Since I seem to be in a lyrics kind of mood, another song, this one references seasons, comes to mind.
Equally absurd and troubling was The Don’s comment about the 80th anniversary of the start of World War II in Poland. As already mentioned, The Don had cancelled his trip to talk about the weather and play some golf.
Here is part of an interaction with a reporter to set the stage:
Reporter: “Mr. President, do you have a message for Poland on the 80th anniversary of the Second World War?”
The Don: “I do have a great message for Poland. And we have Mike Pence, our Vice President, is just about landing right now. And he is representing me. I look forward to being there soon.
But I just want to congratulate Poland. It’s a great country with great people.”
Um, congratulate Poland for it being the day Hitler invaded their country and began the process of the dehumanization and ultimate extermination of the Jewish people? Well, thank you very much, Mr. President. Poland thanks you from the bottom of their heart!
There is a brilliant and satirical musical made in 1967 called the Producers, starring Zero Mostel and Gene Wilder. (It was remade in 2005 with Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick.) The play is an absurdist love song to Hitler.
“Springtime for Hitler and Germany” is the featured song.
Here is the link to the song. So please listen and when you get the hang of the melody, try singing the lyrics:
Here are the original lyrics:
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Winter for Poland and France
Springtime for Hitler and Germany
Come on, Germans
Go into your dance
Here are my refrains:
Congrats to Poland on its anniversary
Years ago Hitler advanced
Congrats to Poland on it anniversary
Didn’t you love the way the Germans danced?
Congrats to Poland on it’s anniversary
Mein kampf sits on my night-stand
Congrats to Poland on its anniversary
So jealous Germany could just take over your land
Congrats to Poland on its anniversary
Need to buy some of that special Kristall (nacht)
Congrats to Poland on its anniversary
Those poor Jews are such a sorry lot
Congrats to Poland on its anniversary
Sorry I can’t be there to celebrate
Congrats to Poland on its anniversary
The hurricane is coming to Alabama, and I am in the water on hole eight!
OMFG TRUMP - Tales From the Other Side 