Don’t you just love the fact that The Don is contemplating purchasing Greenland from Denmark? Dreams of golf courses and a place where he truly could be king! They could call it Greenlandia or better yet, Green-a-Lago.

I know you are thinking that with all the crazy shit going on, who has time to think about Greenland?

It’s not so unprecedented for the U.S to buy places. We bought Alaska from Russia for 7.2 million dollars; and then there is the Louisiana Purchase. The purchased territory included the whole of today’s Arkansas, Iowa, Missouri, Kansas, Oklahoma, and Nebraska, parts of Minnesota and Louisiana west of Mississippi River, including New Orleans, big parts of North and northeastern New Mexico, South Dakota, northern Texas, some parts of Wyoming, Montana, and Colorado. All for a mere $15 million dollars. That’s less than some apartments in Manhattan cost. Now that is the “Art of the Deal.”

Remember Sarah Palin’s famous line about the advantages of living in Alaska: that it allowed her “to see Russia from her house!”

Given the tension between our two nations over the years, it turns out to be a really important purchase, right?

But given The Don and Moscow Mitch’s love of Putin, there are rumors that the two Russophiles, who are doing nothing to stop Russia from interfering in our elections, are considering selling Alaska back to the Russians. That would mean that not only could you “see Russia from your house,” but now Russians will be living in your house! In return, Putin would give The Don free reign to finally build Trump Tower in Moscow.

The Don’s antics regarding Russia are well documented and exemplified by the Helsinki moment, where he sided with Putin’s word over his own intelligence community during a press conference.

Moscow Mitch until recently, has been a silent colluder in The Don’s Putin affair, but recently decided it was ok to come out of hiding by blocking a bill from coming to the Senate floor that would increase spending on protecting our elections.

So what a surprise it was to hear that Oleg Derepaska is investing $200 million dollars in Kentucky manufacturing. Does the name Oleg Derapaska ring a bell? Derepaska, the man Paul Manafort owed millions to, who offered to give Derapaska access to the president to make things “clear.”

And when was the announcement of the investment made? Two days after McConnell blocked a bill from coming to the floor of the Senate that would have fortified our ability to block Russia from influencing the elections.*

So not only will Russia be in Alaska’s house, but Kentuckians better get used to having their barbeque  in vodka sauce.

OMFG TRUMP - Ribs.jpg

But I do digress, as I was talking about The Don’s musings about buying Greenland.

There are so many ways to think about what this would mean.

The Don seems excited about the natural resources there.

The resources have been difficult to get at because Greenland is 80% ice. According to The Don, all the work he and his cronies are doing to deny climate change will have that ice melted in no time. When one of his science buddies showed him a story about an glacier melting in Iceland, his eyes lit up and said get me the King of Denmark immediately.

Stephen Miller, his demonic immigration man, floated the idea of shipping all the illegals there. It would be a humanitarian move said Miller: Those people wouldn’t have to be in cages any more and they could even keep their babies. You would be hailed as a hero. And we can throw in a life- time supply of water boots (from the melting of the ice) and paper towels. The people of Puerto Rico are still talking about the empathy and generosity you showed when you visited and threw paper towels at them to help clean up the mess from the hurricane.

OMFG TRUMP - Greenland Immigration Cruise.jpg

In addition, Miller told The Don that if people in Greenland didn’t want to share their space with those people, they would be granted immediate U.S. citizenship, because you know, they are kind of from Denmark. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.

Oh and we can create a special place for Tlaib, Omar and the rest of the squad. A special kind of palace that Bibi says he would be glad to build. He has a lot of practice doing things like that. Just ask the Palestinians as they just love living under Apartheid!

And then there are the endangered species. This past week Department of The Interior  announced a set of rules that will weaken how the nation’s most important conservation law, the Endangered Species Act, is applied.

An official from the Department of Interior supposedly is selling the idea that The Don can be a hero by creating a modern Noah’s Ark  and shipping off all the endangered species to Greenland, thus saving them from extinction.

OMFG TRUMP - Noah's Ark.jpg

The Don is also very excited about making Green-a-Lago the vacation getaway for demagogues.

There will be a golf tournament like no other. The Don will take mulligan after mulligan and his fellow demagogues will sing his praises and he will feel loved, loved, loved. They will thank him for making America great by leaving the rest of the world alone so they can make their countries great as well. Modi will thank him for saying nothing about India’s putting the Kashmiri people under house arrest; Xi will thank him for saying little to support the democratic protests in China, Kim will hand him a new love letter and thank him for laughing off his missile testing because of their great relationship; and Putin well…

So welcome to Green-a-Lago!

OMFG TRUMP - Golfers.jpg
“Welcome to Green-a-Lago!”

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