The Ignoble Peace Prize

The Don is off to North Korea the very week that Michael Cohen is publically testifying. What a way to distract the public.

It reminds me of the Wiki-leak dump of emails right after the Access Hollywood tape came out. Rather brilliant, don’t you think?

Regardless of what actually happens in North Korea with Kim Jong-un, The Don will claim great victory and let the world know that he has solved everything and should be a shoe-in for the Nobel Peace prize.

According to The Don, he already has a five -page love letter form Prime Minister Abe of Japan, in which Abe, endorses him for the Nobel prize. When asked, Abe’s response was: umm?

He will then say that he probably won’t get it because they don’t appreciate his greatness and his unfairly maligned by the Fake News. Poor Donald. “Baby, baby, stick your head in gravy…”

And The Don doesn’t want any old Nobel Prize; he wants the one Obama has. Can’t you see him up there on the podium demanding the committee cross out Obama’s name on his prize and replace it with his name: that will complete his goal of undoing everything Obama did.

Delusional Don’s belief that he should win the Nobel Prize is so absurd it is comical.

The only prize he should win hands down is the Ignoble Peace Prize. Wouldn’t it be a stroke of genius to offer him the award and then change scripts and humiliate him on the world stage?

Here’s the committee’s introduction:

Ladies and gentleman, this year’s Nobel goes to Donald J. Trump.

The U.S. president has distinguished himself like no other individual to receive this prize.

The Don is a lifetime criminal who has engaged in scamming people his entire life. He has stiffed workers, bullied and threatened detractors, laundered money, committed tax and insurance fraud and colluded with a foreign government to steal an election.

He also created a bogus university and preyed on unsuspecting students and bilked them for millions of dollars with nothing to show for it.

His greatest influence, his father, was a supporter of the KKK, and taught him the civic service and dark arts of denying blacks the right to live in their apartment buildings, for which he was sued twice by the United States Justice Department.

He is especially renowned for spreading the racist trope that President Obama was not an American citizen and a Muslim.

His support of human rights are quite remarkable: advocating White Supremacy, abandoning Puerto Rico after a hurricane devastated the island (Let them clean up the mess with paper towels!), banning Muslims from coming to the U.S., denying transgender individuals the right to serve in the U.S. military and because of his own hateful rhetoric, he has increased anti Semitism, his vitriol inspiring an increase of hate crimes against marginalized populations.

He has created a completely false narrative about an existential emergency at the U.S. border to deny people seeking asylum- a violation of international law- and his administration has immorally separated thousands of children from their families.

He has offered full-throated endorsement of dictators around the world.

He refused to acknowledge The Saudi Crown Prince’s involvement in the killing of a Washington Post journalist because of the money he and his immoral son-in-law, Jared Kushner, plan to make from numerous ventures, including illegally selling nuclear materials to the Saudis.

He has made the world a safer place by:

Attacking our NATO allies, ignoring his own intelligence agencies, who have stated that Russia meddled in The U.S.’s democratic elections (and continues to do so), taking the U.S. out of the Iran nuclear deal and removing the U.S. from the Paris Climate Accord.

His sociopathic lying, decrying of Fake News, attacks of the press and assault on the F.B.I., the Justice Department and the has undermine the rule of law in the U.S. Theses actions have emboldened other strong men around, rattling the world’s belief that the United States as a stabilizing force.

Before I call Mr. Trump to the podium I would like to point out the special guests he has invited to be with him on this momentous occasion.

Sitting to the right of Mr. Trump, is his mentor and co-conspirator Vladimir Putin. On his left is Lt. Christopher Hasson, a new found inspiration and member of the U.S. Coast Guard, who plotted to kill politicians and members of the media critical of the The Don.

It is also worth noting who is absent from this event.

Notably absent are his wife Melania, who took a rain check because she is too busy working on her anti-bullying campaign, his son Barron, who he might not recognize if he were here-so why come, his son Don Jr., who is awaiting indictment in the U.S. and his lovely daughter Ivanka and her Prince Jared, who are off cavorting with the Saudi Prince.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the President of the United States, Donald J. Trump, the first man to ever win the Ignoble Peace Prize.