Top Dog

Before The Don was forced to sign the budget proposal passed by Congress to avoid another government shutdown, he went down to the border in El Paso, Texas to take one more shot at making his case that a border wall was essential to our national security.

He promised his loyalists, come hell or high water, that he would build that wall; actually, he would finish the wall that he already hadn’t built but claimed he had. What? Don’t we usually use the word finish to describe something we have already started and not completed? How do you finish something you haven’t started?

Welcome to The Don’s delusional world. Welcome to the mindless cult-like world of his followers who chanted “finish the wall, finish the wall.”

The only thing missing was a class trip to the wall he had already built (which wasn’t there!) and said to his adherents: “Is this the most beautiful wall you ever seen?”

“Beautiful wall, beautiful wall” they chanted as they looked at the unobstructed horizon.

OMFG TRUMP - Invisible wall

While The Don was revving up his base, Beto was holding a rally of his own just a stone’s throw away. It was clear that The Don was a bit flustered by the competition. He just can’t stand that Beto is on a first name basis with the country, like Oprah, Madonna and his favorite, Obama.

While The Don came to push his wall theme park, Beto spoke of tearing down the walls that divide us.

While The Don spoke of invaders and danger, Beto spoke of community and diversity as the cornerstone of American greatness.

At one point the Don decided to put Beto in his place and point out how pathetic his rally was, stating there were only 200-300 people (estimates were around 6-7,000.), while at least half of Texas was at his.

The Don did his usual shtick of belittling his adversary because he was threatened by the fact that between the two of them Beto could be the Top Dog.

I’m sure if someone reminded him that Hillary Clinton actually won the El Paso area by nearly 2-1, he would have said that’s because all those illegals in those caravans of rapists and terrorists voted illegally. Rigged! Voter fraud! Top Dog Hillary?

Then he went on a bit of a rant about how German Shepherds were better at sniffing out drugs than any technology and then segued in to a riff about his love of dogs and wished he could have one.

The Don, who lies about anything and everything, has of course, never owned a dog. I would venture he has never owned a gold fish, a fluffy hamster or a turtle.

Let’s imagine the Don as a potential dog owner.

If The Don had a dog he would interact with it the same way he interacted with his own children: pat them on the head and say “now get out of here, you are so annoying. Daddy is too busy ripping people off to spend any time with you.”

Can you imagine how nuts the great germaphobe would get if a dog licked him?

If he were actually responsible for taking care of a dog, it would probably die from lack of affection and care.

If a family member played with the dog it would enrage him, as he would feel threatened that he wasn’t the focus of attention. Perhaps that would force him to “ban” the dog.

In a dog-eat-dog world, The Don always needs to be the Top Dog. As stated many times, the truth is that deep inside The Don feels very small: in his fantasy he is a Great Dane but he really is like a Chihuahua.

Given The Don’s penchant for reality TV, let’s create a new show called: Top Dog. In this show, The Don puts his bark and bite up against other contestants.

In all of this dog and wall talk, Nancy Pelosi comes out as the Top Dog, as The Don got no money for his border wall and was forced to sign the budget deal.

OMFG TRUMP - Pelosi Trump Dogs.jpg

 Next up is Robert Mueller. With Mueller’s recent arrest of Roger Stone, Paul Manafort’s approaching 20 year prison sentence (couldn’t happen to a nicer guy!), Michael Cohen about to serve his 3 year sentence and hopefully an indictment of Don Jr. around the corner, The Don is feeling the hot breath of Top Dog Special Prosecutor, as he builds the real wall around The Don.

OMFG TRUMP - mueller trump dogs.jpg

How about The Don matched up against Putin?

OMFG TRUMP - Putin and Trump dogs.jpg

What about Kim Jong-un?

OMFG TRUMP - Kim jong trump dogs.jpg

And what about Ann Coulter? Whether it was calling The Don a wimp to get him to create a shutdown or an “idiot”  for caving and not having a second shutdown.

OMFG TRUMP - Ann Coulter dog.jpg

Thank you for tuning in to Top Dog, where true size matters!

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