Are We Still Talking About Bombs?

A few moments after giving lip service to the MAGA bomber, The Don took to whining about how this was all so inconvenient and perhaps even a plot by the Democrats to distract the great red wave that he was creating. The only thing missing from his conspiracy theory was a front-page photo in The National Enquirer showing Hillary and Bill working in the basement of their house building bombs.

Then The Don veered to more familiar terrain, railing against Democrats, globalists and the news media. He grinned in delight as his audience of young black conservatives chanted, “Lock ’em up,” “George Soros” and “CNN sucks.”

Here’s my take on what he railed on about off camera:

“Aren’t those black people just the coolest! I just love black people. They know the real issues, the real bombs in our society. I could just get out of my chair and hug the bunch. But I don’t do hugs because I am a Germaphobe, world’s greatest, did you know that? But even if I did hug, I don’t think I would hug them, you know what I mean, right?

I am proud of The FBI. Did they do a good job finding that nut or what? I am particularly proud of the way they didn’t do a full-throated investigation in to the silly Kavanaugh thing. Thank you for protecting all of our sons from shameless attacks by women and supporting the men and #what about us movement. Now if they would just stop the foolish Russia investigation-no collusion, no collusion, no collusion. So excited to bring Putin to the White House. We had such a great meeting last time. He wants America to be great, too.

Anyway, about this bomb thing, what an annoyance! Why would I contact the people that the bombs were sent to? For one, I have nothing to do with this! I am being so nice now, so nice. It’s killing me how nice I am being. It’s ridiculous that people are saying my nasty rhetoric is to blame, that I am inciting people. People take everything too seriously, like the bomb thing. None of them blew up so what’s the big deal?”

Tone down your rhetoric, Mr. President, please tone down your rhetoric. One more person says that to me I am going to explode! So I was wowed by Congressman Gianforte’s body slam of a reporter. Or when I said at a rally: “Take’em out on a stretcher.” “Punch em in the face.” People love that stuff. They come to rallies to hear that stuff. Look at my TV ratings.

“How can I bring up Gianforte’s body slam at a time like this? Because it was a great body slam. What guts that guy has. that’s the kind of people we want running our country. Remember that cool video of me at ringside slamming a CNN person. That’s what happens when you lie about Donald Trump. Some of these people should be rounded up. That’s right! Lock them up, is about right And you know there are a lot of people saying, many, many people, that the Democrats orchestrated this “bomb” thing to distract us from the red wave that’s coming because my people know the truth. And the truth is that these people are all globalists and don’t understand America. And Obama, he’s not even a real president because he wasn’t born in this country. Yes, I am taking it back. My people never like that I admitted that he was and that’s the kind of bomb that got me to be president. So birther bomb thing back on just in time for the midterms.

Not sure why the guy sent two bombs to Maxine Waters. Yes, you know her: I’m not going to say it. I’m not going to say it. I’m not going to say it. You people say it so I don’t have to say it. But you know.

Why aren’t we talking about the real bombs? The caravan. Now that’s a bomb about to explode all across this country. Many are saying that its being funded by that globalist, George Soros. People from bad places are coming after you and your American dream. We have to stop them. Maybe I’ll put Sheriff Joe in charge of a posse and let him do his thing. On second thought I’ll just send in the military. But I do love Joe. Love Joe. Just love Joe. I’ve been told that there are ISIS terrorists in the mix down there pretending to be from Latin America. The dark skin camouflages them. All they need is a bandana and a baby and they are indistinguishable from the other bad hombres, but they are really, really, bad hombres.

Democrats are the ones throwing lying bombs. Saying I won’t be able to pass a tax cut for middle class by midterms because Congress isn’t in session. I don’t need congress. Do I? And they are lying saying they are the defenders of healthcare and protectors of pre-existing conditions and that Republicans have been trying to get rid of Obamacare ever since it was enacted, that we ran our campaign on that. The lying is disgraceful. All I can say is the violent mob that Democrats have become will stoop to anything to win this election. But don’t believe them people. I will protect you from them.

And what about those stink bombs at the voting polls?

Don’t you just love what is happening in North Dakota? How outrageous is it that the Democrats are trying to stop Indians from voting by saying they can’t be registered unless they have street addresses? My favorite Indian is Pocahontas but not the fake one, the Senator from Massachusetts. I myself have spoken to one of the Injun Chiefs there and we are going to bring in American Steel to build those street signs, but I don’t know if it will be done by election time. By the way, are Native Americans really American anyway? Suspicious, people are asking questions.

And can you believe the dodgy stuff going on in Dodge, Kansas. Man do I love Secretary of State Kris Kohbach, who is soon going to be Governor of Kansas. He was the guy who was running my inquiry in to the 3 million people who voted illegally during 2016 election, which was why Hillary won the popular vote. Still working hard on that for me. But what a job he is doing in Kansas.

So let’s get back to back at Dodge, Kansas. Outrageous that there is only one place to vote for 13,000 people and the Democrats have– can u believe this, can u believe this, can u believe this– moved the voting site to an area that is a mile outside the city and people have to take buses to vote. But there is a funny part: turned out the address they were given to vote at was wrong. Man is the person in charge down there stupid, or what? I told you Democrats were evil. Stopping black people from voting. What’s this country coming to?

And in Georgia, man I love Georgia and Georgia is always on my mind. Ray Charles. He was really a talented blind guy. Loved the way he used to rock himself back and forth when he played. Why do all those black blind musicians need to wear sunglasses? Don’t get it. Looks so silly.

The Democrats have a black female socialist running for governor down there. Can you believe it? And she is angry that Kemp is questioning the validity of a measly 53,000 voters. What else are you supposed to do when an African American female socialist is getting out all those African Americans to vote? Not fair*.

And just when I thought the ridiculous “bomb” thing had been diffused, here comes the Synagogue thing. Once again, my rhetoric is being blamed. Everyone wants to talk about Charlottesville again. That is so many news cycles ago. They want to talk about the right wing attacks on Globalist George Soros who just happens to be Jewish. The press is printing fake news about how there has been a 57% increase in anti-Semitic incidents in 2017. They are bringing up such yesterday’s news by revisiting something I once reposted from @WhiteGenocideTM, which was said to be located in “Jewmerica.” Also, this silly retweet of an image of Hillary Clinton against a backdrop of dollar bills with the phrase “Most Corrupt Candidate Ever!” in a six-pointed star that some interpreted as a Star of David**.

I’ve said this once and I’ll say it again: I am the least racist and anti-Semitic person, ever! And by the way, I am the least sexist person, too! After the awful attack in Pittsburgh, I spent a long time with Jared and Ivanka, my two favorite Jews and we wrote my statement condemning the attack. I probably spoke with them for like at least 20 minutes. But frankly, when they wanted to have a serious conversation, I got bored as I am a busy man. They too wanted to talk about my rhetoric. Can you believe it; even my own daughter and son-in-law think I should tone it down. But there is campaigning to do, I told them. But now I have to make a trip to Pittsburgh. Of course, they love me in Pittsburgh but please, enough with pipe bombs and synagogues. I’ve got to get back to blowing these Democrats away! By the way, Ivanka, you should call up George Soros and tell him to stop funding the caravan!”

(Protestors in Pittsburgh with signs denouncing Trump.)

*Since the 2010 election, 24 states overwhelmingly controlled by Republicans have put in place new voting restrictions, such as tougher voter ID laws, cutbacks to early voting and barriers to registration.

**In addition to the Neo-Nazis march in Charlottesville, Va., where participants chanted, “Jews will not replace us,” physical assaults, vandalism and attacks on Jewish institutions have been on the rise.

Far-right extremists and the so-called alt-right have stepped up their efforts on social media to attack and intimidate Jews, in the run up to the midterms “Twitter bombing” of Jews, barraging our community with an estimated five million highly politicized and anti-Semitic tweets per day.