After the touchy feely sweat lodge séance between The Don and Kim Jong-un, my sense of security about the world not ending rocketed (a little). Didn’t yours? After all, two of the greatest lying narcissists the world has ever seen engaged in a love-fest for the ages and said: “I do.” The Don had this to say about his belief in the North Korean leader:

“I think, honestly, I think he’s going to do these things,” Mr. Trump said. “I may be wrong. I mean, I may stand before you in six months and say ‘Hey, I was wrong.’ I don’t know that I’ll ever admit that, but I’ll find some kind of excuse.”

Call me crazy but doesn’t the above indicate that The Don is already looking for a way out. That at the end of this charade, all this wannabe despot will have to say is that holding hands with a true despot gave him the goosebumps, made him feel like no other illicit affair has ever felt.

don kim weddng

The problem is that no one really knows what the two were saying I do to. But it was very cool to see the president of the U.S. embracing a man who has a reputation for doing the following: “extermination, murder, enslavement, torture, imprisonment, rape, forced abortions and other sexual violence, persecution on political, religious, racial and gender grounds, the forcible transfer of populations, the enforced disappearance of persons and the inhumane act of knowingly causing prolonged starvation, to quote a report for the U.N in 2014.

And Little Rocket Man can get up close and personal with his evil ways.

In 2016, Kim Yong-jin, the deputy premier for education, was killed in front of a firing squad after showing “disrespectful posture” in a meeting. No slumping you chump!

Hyon Yong-chol, a general over the armed forces, fell asleep in a meeting. He was executed with an antiaircraft gun. Snooze you lose!

It is also a family affair. One of Mr. Kim’s uncles, Jang Song-thaek, was convicted of treason. He was then executed with antiaircraft machine guns, and his body incinerated with flamethrowers. The man was already Swiss cheese–he needed flamethrowers, too?

Kim Jong-nam, the estranged brother of the North Korean leader, was killed last year in a very public way: near a check-in counter at Kuala Lumpur International Airport in Malaysia. Two women were seen on security cameras walking up to him and rubbing a substance on his face — a chemical warfare agent known as VX. The women responsible said they were just trying out a new anti-aging cream.

Then again, America is the place where an entire group of indigenous people were nearly wiped out and let’s not forget a thing called slavery. So we shouldn’t be so fast to declare the moral high ground. Just keeping it real, folks! But on the bright side, The Don has only threatened to shoot people on 5th Ave. Though I wonder who he might take out if he had Kim Jong-un’s dictatorial powers.

But let’s return to the historic meeting. I was so inspired that I cancelled my travel plans and started searching for flights to North Korea, as the pristine beaches are the best kept secret and the resorts will soon be some of the best in the world. The Don having an eye for real estate projects waxed poetically about North Korea’s prospects:

“You see that whenever they’re exploding their cannons into the ocean, right? I said “Boy, look at that view. Wouldn’t that make a great condo?” And I explained, I said, instead of doing that you could have the best hotels in the world right there. Think of it from a real estate perspective. You have South Korea, you have China and they own the land in the middle. How bad is that, right? It’s great.”

My only concern with the Don’s vision is the “exploding cannons” part as that isn’t exactly what I want be experiencing when I am sipping my Martini watching the sunset.

beach bomb.jpg

Why do you think The Don wanted to do something so unprecedented as meet with the leader of a rogue, totalitarian state without anyone else present besides interpreters? Could be that The Don didn’t want any distractions in that one minute when he sized up the man he once called Little Rocket Man and would determine if he was an honorable dude. Reminds me of the time George W. Bush stated that he could trust Putin because he “looked the man in the eye…found him to be very straightforward and trustworthy… was able to get a sense of his soul; a man deeply committed to his country and the best interests of his country.”

Some powerful Svengali shit. Problem with that kind of diplomacy with despots is that those are some chilly souls with little humanity-not exactly something you want to base foreign policy on.

My hunch is that The Don wanted alone time to discuss his plans to build a series of Trump resorts on their pristine beaches. There are rumors that there were two documents signed. One that meant absolutely nothing and the other one giving Trump property rights to miles of beach- front. Since the Trump Tower in Moscow is on hold, the insatiable entrepreneur is moving forward with new plans.

The Don’s gushing praise for the North Korean leader was something to behold.

“He is very talented. Anybody that takes over a situation like he did at 26 years of age and is able to run it and run it tough, I don’t say it was nice or I don’t say anything about it, he ran it. Very few people at that age, you can take one out of 10,000 probably couldn’t do it.” The Don is so impressed with him he had a video celebrating him.

One thing you can definitely agree with is what he has done since taking over the reigns has not been nice. Well, at least he was able to refrain from using his favorite word “great.” And someone please enlighten me as to how he deduced the 1 in 10,000 thing? My guestimate is more like one of a kind. This man gives Hitler a run for his money. And if we remember The Don has said he kept a copy of Hitler’s speeches, which were compiled in the book “My New Order.”

But don’t despair, as there are always the beaches.

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