You could say that the history of Civilization is a Dick thing. It is about assertion, power, dominance and all that manly stuff. It is about phalli: spears and arrows, guns and torpedoes and SIZE does matter. (Think hands!)
Sorry, sorry, sorry, I promised myself I would never start off a piece by inserting a Dick thing, but that’s the point. The Dick just finds a way, must have its say. I could have said lovely lumber, or as James Brown might have said “licorice stick” or even been demure and said private parts, but frankly nothing packs the punch like Dick. Freud, with all his penis envy shtick, is in some cocaine parlor in the sky, sucking on a cigar, smugly smirking and thinking “duh”?*
All that golfing (and most likely lying about his scores-see my piece “Can We Take a Mulligan, Please?”), during his stay at Mara-a-lago made The Don a relatively dull and mellow boy over the holiday; so when he returned to the White House, he went witter crazy to make up for it. From the “Dick” perspective he was doing a lot of thrusting and poking. On his first day back there were 17 tweets!
So why not list them all with some responses that reflect the “Dick” in them.
The people of Iran are finally acting against the brutal and corrupt Iranian regime. All of the money that President Obama so foolishly gave them went into terrorism and into their “pockets.” The people have little food, big inflation and no human rights. The U.S. is watching!
Human rights? This from a man who bans people from coming in to our country because of their religion, denigrates African Americans, wants to round up Mexicans and deport them, wants to ban LGBT individuals from the armed forces and treats women like sexual objects. Haitians should be sent back because they have AIDS, Nigerians because they will never want to go back to their huts. And notice his use of “little” and big (inflation?)”: size does matter bigly to him! And by the way, Don, the world is watching America as you are making us a huge embarrassment on the world stage.
Crooked Hillary Clinton’s top aid, Huma Abedin, has been accused of disregarding basic security protocols. She put Classified Passwords into the hands of foreign agents. Remember sailors pictures on submarine? Jail! Deep State Justice Dept must finally act? Also on Comey & others
Your obsession with Hillary makes me think you have a crush on her. Move over Melania (who by the way would be tickled to abdicate.) And what’s with the submarine. Perfect phallic symbol. And BTW, only one going to jail is you, Don Jr. and Jared.
Thank you to Brandon Judd of the National Border Patrol Council for your kind words on how well we are doing at the Border. We will be bringing in more & more of your great folks and will build the desperately needed WALL!
Your wall is one of your serious delusions and the only Wall we will be seeing is Pink Floyd ‘performing their classic hallucinogenic album. And of course it will be the biggest, tallest, most erect wall ever!
Companies are giving big bonuses to their workers because of the Tax Cut Bill. Really great!
You lied to the American people once again. You promised to help the middle class and you gave most of the money to corporations and the rich. Noticed the word “big” -size does matter.
Sanctions and “other” pressures are beginning to have a big impact on North Korea. Soldiers are dangerously fleeing to South Korea. Rocket man now wants to talk to South Korea for first time. Perhaps that is good news, perhaps not – we will see
Will you please stop with the “big” thing!
Since taking office I have been very strict on Commercial Aviation. Good news – it was just reported that there were Zero deaths in 2017, the best and safest year on record!
Talk about grandiose! Not only did you have nothing to do with this, but there hasn’t been an incident since 2013. But I love the image of you up in the sky directing traffic with a “big” wand.
The Failing New York Times has a new publisher, A.G. Sulzberger. Congratulations! Here is a last chance for the Times to fulfill the vision of its Founder, Adolph Ochs, “to give the news impartially, without fear or FAVOR, regardless of party, sect, or interests involved.” Get…
….impartial journalists of a much higher standard, lose all of your phony and non-existent “sources,” and treat the President of the United States FAIRLY, so that the next time I (and the people) win, you won’t have to write an apology to your readers for a job poorly done! GL
In other words, don’t you dare ever publish anything negative about me. Your ‘fake news” is an attempt to deflate me!
Democrats are doing nothing for DACA – just interested in politics. DACA activists and Hispanics will go hard against Dems, will start “falling in love” with Republicans and their President! We are about RESULTS.
This one is really funny. After not renewing DACA and terrifying Mexicans for a year, they will suddenly flock to you and your party. And Don how hard will get? And watch that boner you have for Sheriff Joe-it’s not becoming for a president.
We will not rest until all of America’s GREAT VETERANS can receive the care they so richly deserve. Tremendous progress has been made in a short period of time. Keep up the great work
Great, tremendous and richly. He forgot bigly and huge.
Congratulations to Senator Orrin Hatch on an absolutely incredible career. He has been a tremendous supporter, and I will never forget the (beyond kind) statements he has made about me as President. He is my friend and he will be greatly missed in the U.S. Senate!
The Salt Lake Tribune awarded Hatch The Utah “Man of the Year” for his “utter lack of integrity that rise from his unquenchable thirst for power. But the real reason Hatch has to leave is because he was too weighed down by the shit he has swallowed by becoming number two sycophant behind Mike Pence. And so tremendous!
will be announcing THE MOST DISHONEST & CORRUPT MEDIA AWARDS OF THE YEAR on Monday at 5:00 o’clock. Subjects will cover Dishonesty & Bad Reporting in various categories from the Fake News Media. Stay tuned!
In your infantile mind you believe this will inflate you but it will only bring your tomfoolery to new heights and lead to a pathetic detumescence.
…peace treaty with Israel. We have taken Jerusalem, the toughest part of the negotiation, off the table, but Israel, for that, would have had to pay more. But with the Palestinians no longer willing to talk peace, why should we make any of these massive future payments to them?
You have just made peace near impossible and engorged Netanyahu and Likud party to take over more territory in Israel. Oh yeah, the U.N. General assembly voted hugely against you. And you are having a party for the countries who stood tall with you. Where is Palua anyway? Such a small country.
President Trump has something now he didn’t have a year ago, that is a set of accomplishments that nobody can deny. The accomplishments are there, look at his record, he has had a very significant first year.
Sadly the Don has nothing he hasn’t had a year ago. He is still a malignant narcissist who craves attention and unwavering loyalty, is vindictive, will be found to have money laundered with Russians, colluded with them and obstructed justice. Petty, soulless, and devoid of empathy. Didn’t you just love the way he threw towels at the Puerto Rican people on his visit. Must have made you feel pretty big to be so deflating to the hurricane victims.
North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un just stated that the “Nuclear Button is on his desk at all times.” Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!
So here we have the war of the super boners. Little Hands vs Little Rocket Man in the circle jerk of the century. Two super very dangerous super babies. One claims to have learned to drive a car at three and make breakthrough cancer discoveries in moments between nuclear tests; the other claims that he personally restored X-Mas to America, is the only one who can save us and is responsible for the absence of domestic airplane tragedies. Take your pick: Behind door number one: funny haired megalomanic one: door number two: funny haired megalomaniac two. Perhaps we should have a reality show called “Size Matters,” where the two of them have to whip out their rerspective members to see who wins. Certainly a whole lot safer than nuclear war and much more entertaining!
Stay tuned for previews of the second episode of “Size Matters,” where The Don and Steve Bannon put their cards on the table.
P.S. Time to shut down The Don’s Twitter account. See below excerpted from a New York Times article. Click on “summarized in the New York Times article” for entire account of The Don’s transgressions.
Hateful conduct: You may not promote violence against or directly attack or threaten other people on the basis of race, ethnicity, national origin, sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, religious affiliation, age, disability, or disease. Trump’s Nov. 30 Tweet threatening refugees is notable here as was his infamous rant against the American judge of Mexican descent. More recently we have the threatening of sports figures (whom he called “sons of bitches”) exercising their freedom of speech, and the shameful attacks on the Mayor of San Juan while she deals with a catastrophe in Puerto Rico.
These are just a few examples of violations that form a clear pattern. For full account go to The 417 People, Places and things Donald Trump Has Insulted on Twitter, New York Times, Upshot, January 3rd 2018)
*The first two paragraphs of this piece were extracted from one of my first pieces written back in December of 2016. Recycling is a wonderful thing (unless you are the Director of the E.P.A.)
OMFG TRUMP - Tales From the Other Side 