The F and The W Words

 I always wanted to use the F word in the first paragraph of a sentence. It is just so liberating. So let me say it: Fuck!

 But this piece isn’t about the F word as it relates to The Don’s predatory sexual exploits; nor is it about the frequent use of the word by his army of legal surrogates like Mark Kasowitz, who told an unidentified person: “Fuck you…And you don’t know me, but I will know you…I am on you now. You’re fucking with me now…Watch your back bitch;” or John Dowd, who commented “I’m no snowflake” and gave the middle finger to a CNBC reporter; or my favorite, The Don’s personal pit bull Michael Cohen, who once warned a reporter “to tread very fucking lightly, because what I’m going to do to you is going to be very fucking disgusting”. And let’s not forget Ty Cobb, who I can’t quote using the F word, but as the namesake and descendant of one of the nastiest and unlikable baseball players in history, it’s not hard to imagine that he has used it with a reporter. 

 As for The Scaramouch, he called Reince Priebus a  “fucking paranoid schizophrenic,” and I can’t remember whether he said that before or after he commented about Steve Bannon’s gymnastic power move in which he sucks his own dick. Then General Kelly told Scaramouche to Fuck off!

Then there is the W word, which The Don would like to be Win, but sadly for him that is a delusional construction. Our W word is Weak, which for The Don, may actually be worse than the F word.

 Maybe I will run a contest and get people to text 1 for Failure and 2 for Weak.

 Regarding the Don’s weakness, Wall Street Journal writer, Peggy Noonan, wrote: “His tweets show utter weakness. They are plaintive, shrill little cries, usually just after dawn.”

 “You’re Fired,” turns out to be another Trumpian hoax. His petty bullying of Sessions makes him looks pretty inept and a real chicken. Sessions’ buddies in the Senate have his back and he is quietly smirking and reciting that childhood taunt: na-na-na- boo- boo, you can’t fire me. The Don’s Weakness and Failure to control the narrative on the Russia investigation is driving him crazy and he is flailing and flopping around like a fish on a boat deck-Weak, so Weak and slimy, too. 

 So back to the F word. The Don’s Failures this week alone are well, Trumpian, in magnitude.

 Let’s recap. The Don was so inappropriate at the Boy Scout National Jamboree that the Head of the Boy Scouts publicly apologized for his behavior. For his part, The Don was disappointed in the boy scouts because they wouldn’t follow his lead in chanting: “Lock her up.” It has been rumored that Rex Tillerson, the Secretary of Silence and Invisibility, an eagle scout and former head of the Boy Scouts, was so incensed by The Don’s antics, that he is rummaging through his old scout backpack to create a special knot to “tie him up.”

 Then The Don, in a nod to his ultra conservative and religious supporters (who still believe Jesus has brought The Don to them), decided without any warning to the pentagon or anyone, to tweet that transgender individuals would no longer be allowed to serve in the military. That didn’t go over so well when the military refused to follow the proclamation and came out in support of all people who serve in the armed forces.

 Even conservative senators were appalled by his thoughtless and impulsive decree. When Orin Hatch is singing the praises of transgender people, it is time to sing out Hallelujah! Turns out transgender people are people, too. When you are in a foxhole under siege, I don’t think the person next to you is worrying if you were born with a penis but wish you didn’t have one. Sorry Don, you Failed!

Then there was the health care debacle. The Republicans couldn’t even pass the “skinny” bill, which was the equivalent of a sandwich without anything in it. The Senate and their morally bankrupt leader, Mitch McConnell, wanted a W in their column so badly that people like Lindsey Graham, who actually referred to the bill as a “disaster” and a “fraud” were still willing to vote for it. The Don wanted a W so badly, despite the fact that he had no idea what was in the bill, that he took to publicly attacking Senator Lisa Murkowski of Alaska, threatening to take away federal funds from her state.

Like Jeff Sessions, Murkowski refused to be intimidated and held her ground.

 Oh well, another Failure for The Don.

 The Don was condemned and put in his place by police chiefs around the country when he suggested they “rough up” people who were arrested-so sad, another Failure.

 The Don is reluctant to sign the sanctions bill against Russia, but fears an override of his veto. An anonymous source said he overheard The Don whispering “sorry, Putie” on his private phone. Then after a few moments of silence he heard The Don say: “that’s just fake news, I am not Weak and a Failure and I am not going to Siberia.”

 Turns out the great executive and deal maker is a big dud.

 But The Don doesn’t take well to losing and being thought of as weak. His response to this, like any bully, is to exact revenge. His will be a scorched earth policy that has him escalate attacks against his own party as they are Weak and they are Failures. Here are some of the leaks coming out of the White House:

Maine Senator, Susan Collins, who voted against the health care bill is in trouble. He is dispatching potty mouth Lepage (Governor) to impose a ban on growing blueberries in the state. In addition, he is removing all copies of the classic children’s book: Blueberries for Sal from book stores. 

 As mentioned, Lisa Murkowski is on his shit list and has quite a problem on her hands as The Don has summoned Momma Grizzly Bear Palin to challenge Murkowski to a duel after being so impressed with the Texas lawmaker, Blake Farenthold, who did the same to Susan Collins. The Don also threatened to deprive Alaska of federal funds for oil drilling projects, which is quite a hoot, considering it works against his own agenda.

 As for John McCain, The Don’s fury was bigly. And bigly will be Arizona’s punishment for McCain’s betrayal on the health care vote. His first decree will be the banning of the production of Arizona Ice Tea, even though it is made in Brooklyn. More hugely, is his second decree, which is to block the sun from the state.

The Don is so furious at McCain, the man he once claimed was not a war hero, because he was captured, that he has threatened to take away health care from congress. “Fuck’em,” The Don was overheard saying, “the guys such a hero for taking a stand against me, we’ll see what he is made of when he doesn’t have any health care to treat his cancer.”

 Fail to the Chief!