The McCaine Mutiny?

In the memorable film The Caine Mutiny, Humphrey Bogart, plays Captain Queeg, an insecure U.S. Navy ship captain whose decision- making comes under scrutiny. Queeg’s dubious ethics and morality, an inability to tolerate any criticism or feedback and go it alone attitude creates continued concern and uncertainty amongst the crew.

As the tension builds he loses the confidence of his fellow sailors and becomes increasingly paranoid as he experiences his authority slipping away. In the most memorable scene in the film, Queeg sets out to prove who’s boss by insisting that there is a portion of strawberries missing and has the crew tear apart the ship in order to discover the perpetrator(s) and punish them. The crew watches with incredulity as Bogart becomes increasingly paranoid. At the end of a fruitless search, Queeg stands before his men rolling little metal balls in his hand; it has become apparent that his mental stability is compromised. To protect the integrity of the ship and its crew, the captain’s second in –command, played by Fred McMurray, declares that he is taking over the ship. The decision to mutiny comes with serious risks, as there is a trial before a military court, where conviction means court martial and jail time.

Cut to our captain, The Don. His fading popularity, inability to tolerate criticism, erratic behavior, his compromised morality and ethics and his lack of capacity to run his ship bear a striking resemblance to the film. Reports of The Don combing over maps of the election, counting red dots in Republican districts in order to reassure himself of his victory are his strawberries.

So we have the dysfunctional, inept and incompetent captain in our story but are there any heroes? Are there any Republicans willing to take the necessary risks to save the ship? Who amidst their pathetic minions is willing to stand up and protect the nation from an increasingly unhinged man with no rudder?

I have found it incredulous that the party who has always been vociferous in it denunciation of Russia has remained silent. If the shoe were on the other foot, the Republicans would be screaming from the rooftops, wanting blood, declaring treason. Their moral outrage would be justified which makes their deafening silence hypocritical and morally bankrupt.

If the day after firing the FBI director, who is investigating you, there is a clandestine meeting with Russian diplomats in the White House, where classified intelligence is shared, which The Don then boasts about doesn’t wake up the Republicans, we are really in trouble.

 What about violations of the emoluments clause, which are violated on a daily basis? Republicans keep their head in the sand or do some version of the “Spicer,” hiding in a bush someplace so they don’t have to face the music, while The Don and his band of swamp drainers fill up their coffers. Their spinelessness, moral turpitude and cowardice should keep them up at night but Paul Ryan is sleeping like a baby dreaming about tax reform.

Speaking of boy wonder or as he has been called the “Irish Undertaker,” what is Paul Ryan doing these days? He is declining to make any comments about anything the president does and is taking his smiling, hypocritical self to the people, promoting the tax plan of his party. The country is losing its bearings, hurling toward a constitutional crisis and he has the beatific look of someone who just got the best blow- job in his life. Changing the tax code and giving more money to the rich is the stuff of his wet dreams. There are a lot of whacky things that people can get off on but looking at a picture of a new 1040 form? The guy is a total jerk off.

And then there is Mitch McConnell, whose mannerisms remind me of a dead man walking. (I always found Jon Stewarts characterization of him as a turtle to be hilarious.) Thank God the Irish Undertaker is his buddy, as he may need him soon considering his life force is in the negative range. This is a man who has never had a wet dream because he is so bland that even the sight of a new 1040 couldn’t get him off. And even if it did tickle his fancy, he’d be like the guy who is going at it for what seems forever while the girl is yawning and lighting up a cigarette, praying he would just get done with it.

Two men, with no souls, letting an incompetent man, whose campaign colluded with the Russians and whose actions make us an embarrassment to the rest of the world, willing to turn a blind eye for a few political victories. I would expect nothing more from them.

But where are you John McCain? Yes, we hear mutterings about how disconcerted you are by some of The Don’s actions and statements that you regretted his decision to fire Comey. Them is real fightin words! Fire in the belly stuff! Sure you have The Don shaking in his boots. Who knows maybe The Don has tapes on you, too!

Mr. McCain you are the man who spent years in captivity in Vietnam and whom The Don humiliated claiming was not really a hero because you got caught! And maybe he was right because of how much of a wuss you’ve been during this insanity. Everyday I wake up looking for you to be the guy who stands up to this incompetent fool. You are supposed to be the Fred McMurray in this McCain mutiny. I am waiting for real life to imitate art. I am waiting for you to act on what you clearly understand and know. That the man in the White House is erratic, unstable and his incompetency has the potential to put your beloved country, the one you spent years in a prison of war camp for, in jeopardy. I am waiting for you to bring this grandiose, know-nothing man-child to his knees. It will be your just revenge. You will be the man forever known from saving the ship called America from a dangerous course. The arc of your life will be book ended by your heroism. I suggest you and some of your Republican cronies call an emergency session to have a screening of the Caine Mutiny to give you the courage you need to find your way.