Pass The Salt, Please

The Don’s admiration for despots continues to grow. Add Rodrigo Duterte, President of the Philippines, to the club of despots called: Democracy, WTF Is That?

I don’t know about you but one of the most disturbing movies I have ever seen was “Silence of the Lambs.” Every time Anthony Hopkins, as Hannibal Lecter, was on the screen, my heart rate increased and my fantasies ran wild thinking this sociopathic monster would be licking his lips with the chance of eating me. That devilish smile that accompanied “I ate his liver with some fava beans” haunted my dreams.

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So when Rodrigo Duterte stated “If presented with a terrorist suspect, give me salt and vinegar and I’ll eat his liver,” the flashbacks to “Silence of The Lambs” came rushing back. This is exactly the kind of guy you want running your country, protecting your children. Frankly, I like my liver with onions or in the Jewish tradition chopped and fattened up with chicken schmaltz–the idea of vinegar with liver repulses me!

Piss and vinegar man Duterte, terrorizing his own people, slaughtering thousands, maybe somebody should eat his liver? Anyone seen Hannibal lately?

And what about The Don’s sudden admiration for Kim Jong-un? Recently, The Don had this to say about the man-child threatening nuclear war: “ A lot of people have tried to take that power away, whether it was his uncle or anybody else and he was able to do it, so obviously he’s a smart cookie.”

What’s with the food thing and power? (Remember Trump bombed Syria while eating chocolate cake?) There are a lot of things you could call Kim Jong-un, cookie is not what comes to mind. Neither is darling or honey. Want some milk and cookies with your nuke? And anyway, I don’t know if North Koreans eat cookies. Most likely they are eating Hwagwaja, which comes in lovely flower-like designs with many fillings; honey red bean, black sesame and let’s not forget the arsenic for those who step out of line.

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After Rycep Erdogan’s victory and consolidation of power which goes a long way to dismantling Turkey’s democracy, The Don was like “Yo, Erdo, way to go, got any tips for me?” And let’s not leave out Egypt’s leader, Abdel Fattah el Sisis another strong man that tickles The Don’s fancy.

And then there is Vlad, The Don’s main squeeze! Don’t believe a word you hear about the cooling off of their bromance because of the bombing of Syria. For a second (about how long he can hold a thought), The Don was impacted by the horrendous sight of dying Syrian children resulting from Assad’s  heinous actions; I am just not so sure it wasn’t a strategic piece of political theater (yes, I know I am trending toward conspiracy theory) orchestrated by the two of them to diffuse the Russia thing, as love like theirs doesn’t die after one little spat.

To The Don these are just impressive guys taking care of business. No worry that democratic principles have no place in their world and that stripping people of civil rights and abusing power by imprisoning or outright killing members of the opposition are just part of a day’s work.

It’s not just the tweeting that makes the White House staffers want to take away The Don’s phone: it is the fact that his contacts list include these good guys on speed dial. While the world sleeps The Don is taking an online course about how to be a strong man.

Trump is frustrated because he is desperate to be a member of the club. He can’t believe running the country is so complicated and difficult. He wants it to be just like his business: you make a deal and that’s that; you screw some people on the way, that’s that; in other words, you do whatever the fuck you want and you make sure you get what you want. What’s with all these rules and procedures? Checks and balances? The only checks and balances The Don cares about are the ones his sons are showing him as he ignores every rule in the book making money hand over foot. Why is the press getting to say whatever they want? What’s all the fuss about civil rights? The man who wants to be king finds it all so annoying.

Bribing his mentors with a lifetime membership to Mara-a Logo is nice but not enough for even a provisional membership in to Democracy, WTF is that?  They gang just couldn’t believe he would allow the FBI director to investigate him so he fired him. Late that night, after the decision was made, he applied for admission to their private chat room and Duarte responded:


“What about firing Comey”, replied The Don? “You said if I canned him you would give me access to the chat room.”

“Good start”, Vlad replied, but there will just be another to replace him. Contact us again when you abolish the entire FBI.”

Then came their derision and aspersions: He is sad, so sad. Such a wannabee! You are so weak, such a wuss. A court stopped you from banning Muslims. You can’t build your wall! You have no control over the press but to hail pathetic epithets about Fake News. Late night TV hosts make fun of you with impunity. You call yourself great. You got to be kidding: you have no real power. You’re just a sad very sad, wannabe.

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Thank you democracy!



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