The sullen, dystopian Steve Bannon came out of his command cave at The White House to do his version of La La Land at CPAC. Having been outcast in prior years because of his radical alt-right positions, he held court, spoon -feeding his conservative brothers and sisters his dark vision of America. He wanted Sean Spicer for his Ginger Rogers, as Melissa McCarthy’s portrayal on Saturday Night Live displayed his feminine side, but ultimately he had to settle for Reince Pribus. As for Bannon’s attire, he looked like he had just emerged from an all you can eat pancake breakfast at IHop and was still licking the syrup off his lips.
He and Priebus yucked it up and did some fancy foot work, weaving the laughable tale that they were totally in synch and even did some slow dancing, evidenced by Reince’s touch on Steve’s shoulder. Some people claimed brother hood; to me it looked like Reince was touching Bannon as if he had cooties. After the Dancing with Stars team exited the stage to raucous applause, Bannon turned to Reince and said “You ain’t seen nothing yet!”
The next day The Don took center stage and if you looked closely you could see that there were strings attached to him. No longer sashaying around with Reince, Bannon, the master puppeteer, went to work. The nefarious Geppetto, who breathed life in to his empty vessel, started working the strings and out of The Don’s mouth came music to Bannon’s ears:
”A few days ago I called the fake news the enemy of the people. And they are. They are the enemy of the people.” Then he said “Many of these groups are part of the large media corporations that have their own agenda. That is not your agenda and it’s not the countries agenda, it’s their own agenda.” Bannon chuckled from behind the stage and told an assistant who was helping him with the performance “Don’t you just love my puppet, whipping the crowd up with my agenda? He is the perfect foil: a man with an endless need to be loved, intolerance for losing which makes for the ultimate bully and an unusual gift for lying. A puppeteer’s dream!”
That night as Bannon was tucking The Don into bed he praised him. “Mr. President, that was an extraordinary performance. You had them eating out of your hand. You will be America’s savior and go down in history as the greatest leader of modern times.”
“Why not all times?” The Don asked, as he faded into sleep.
“Of course, all times.”
When the Don was finally asleep, Bannon touched off his masterful performance by crooning the tunes he loved to sing to The Don each night.
You’re My Puppet
(Oldham and Penn wrote the original called “I’m Your Puppet.” I’ve taken the liberty to change some words.)
I’ll pull the string and I’ll wink at you, you’re my puppet
You’ll do funny things if I want you to, you’re my puppet.
Listen, my every wish is your command
All I gotta do is wiggle your little hand,
You’re my puppet, you’re my puppet.
I’ve Got the World on a String (Harold Arlen)
I’ve got the world on a string, sittin on a rainbow
Got the string around my finger,
What a world, what a life, I’m in love.