From the outset “The Don” has promised to repeal Obamacare. In a search (fake one) for the most common phrases used during the campaign, “We are going to repeal Obamacare,” was third; “I am going to be the law and order president” was second; and first (drum roll please) was “We are going to build a wall and Mexico is going to pay for it.” “Huge” was the most utilized single word and even beat out the word “the,” which says a lot about how huge the usage of the word huge really was. Sadly, “Bigly” and pussy, though respectively fun and provocative, did not make the top 25.
“The Don” will be in a position to repeal Obamacare on day one of his presidency and the House has already begun the dismantling. The idea the Republicans have floated is that they will repeal the law but let it remain in effect until they can replace it with a better plan. Clearly, Obamacare is not perfect and needs some adjustments, but the solution the Republicans are offering up is akin to having a car with a bum tire, getting rid of the car and then wondering why you can’t go on your family vacation!
Hopefully, the Republicans will take out ads using the slogan “This plan will be so “bigly” successful it will be huge.” That’s probably better than “Sorry sucker, your doctor won’t be able to see you anymore.” If they go with the “bigly” thing in their promotional material, maybe “bigly” will break into the top 10 of most frequently used words. Pussy may have a chance to vault its way to the top 10 if they go with the ad being bandied about in certain right wing circles: “Don’t give up your pussy, because if you do, you are going to have to keep that baby, even if it kills you!”
The thing about repealing Obamacare is that millions of people who voted for “The Don” didn’t believe he really intended to do it. More people than ever just signed up for Obamacare. Millions upon millions of people that voted for “The Don” rely on it. In fact, 12 out of 14 of the highest subscribing states to Obamacare are red states! It has been a life saver for many. And despite the fact that, for many, premiums are rising 25%, the majority of people will not be paying more because federal subsidies would increase to offset rising premiums. The number of uninsured Americans has dipped below 10%, a “huge” reduction in the uninsured. So what about all those lower economic white rural voters who voted for “The Don” and depend on Obamacare? Could be a rude awakening.
So what will “The Don,” not known for his patience, do with the molasses-like pace of creating a replacement plan? In fact, just the other day he said it would be replaced immediately or at worst a few minutes after. Did he really mean that? How many minutes after? I need to know if I have time to walk my dog, as I don’t want to miss the announcement! The Republicans had six years to come up with a replacement plan but have not been able to do so. So what will “The Don” do?
Trumpcare, that’s what! He will take matters into his small hands and become the great healer, the savior. He will don a grand wizard’s cape (most likely he’ll skip the pointy hat as it would muss up his combover) and hold court like some evangelical faith healer bombastically declaring that only he can solve their problems.
People will line up in front of Trump Tower for miles, like people traveling to Mecca (well maybe not Mecca, perhaps more like Mickey D’s), and Americans from sea to shining sea, seeking healthcare, will be waiting for their turn to meet with the man who can free them of their maladies. One by one they will stand before him.
“Oh wonderful one.”
“Yes, I am great and how are you?”
“Not so good. I am losing my sight and I can’t get the operation I need. When I had Obamacare it would have paid for the surgery.”
“Sad, so sad. Hey, Kellyanne, do we have any seeing-eye dogs back there? And while you’re at it, throw in a $50 gift certificate to Petco. Still got those, don’t we? Next!”
“God bless you, anointed one.”
“God bless you too, ma’am.” What has brought you all the way from Wyoming to see me? Just love the great people of Wyoming.”
“You see sir, I have a failing liver. I was on the list for a liver transplant, but now that I don’t have Obamacare I can’t get it.”
“Sorry to hear that. Hey Kellyanne, do we have any of those gift cards for the Carnegie Deli?”
“Is the Carnegie Deli some kind of hospital, my savior?”
“Well, not exactly, but they do make a mean chopped liver. Next!”
Person of color
“Good afternoon, Mr. President.”
“Kellyanne, there is a black man in my spiritual space.”
“No worries, Mr. President. In fact, we are going to have one of our photographers come in for a quick shot. Good PR.”
“Ok, but make it snappy. So, what do we have here: a drug problem, diabetes, sickle cell anemia, a need to get rid of nappy hair?”
“Mr. Trump, do you remember me?”
“Have we met?”
“Well, I was the accountant that you used for your casino in Atlantic City.”
“That’s funny. I would never have a black accountant handling my money. The only person I want handling my money is a man wearing a yarmulke.”
“That’s exactly what you said then, and I was fired.”
“Kellyanne, where the hell is the photographer? So let me guess: You are here because you lost your Obamacare and think that out of the goodness of my heart I should make some kind of restitution, that I owe you something?”
“Tell you what, just so you know, I don’t apologize; I have never regretted one thing I’ve done in my entire life. But I am generous, so how about you and the Mrs. spend a couple of days down at Mar-a-Lago, all expenses paid?”
“But sir, If I don’t get the treatment I need, I could die tomorrow.”
“Sad, so sad, but at least you will die in one of my beautiful properties instead of John Lewis’ ghetto. Next!”