“THE DON” PREPS BUDDY

 

“Before we begin the prep, I just want you to know Jeff, that while all those loser Republicans were running away from me the way Mexicans will soon be fleeing our posses, you stood by me. And as you know, I am loyal to those who are loyal to me, just like I think you are great if you think I am great. They call that tic tacs, right Jeff?”

“I think you mean tit for tat, Mr. President.”

“Being corrected is not part of loyalty Jeff, so give it a rest.”

“Sorry, Mr. President.”

“What were we saying Jeff?”

“Talking about tit for tat.”

“Speaking of tit for tat, did you see the tits on that young thing that just passed by?”

“Sir, that was my daughter.”

“Daughters can be hot. Look at Ivanka. You know I’ve said that if she weren’t mine I could go for her. How about you?”
OMFG TRUMP - Ivanka Pedo

“Go for Ivanka, sir?”

“No, Jeff, your daughter.”

“Sir you are making me a bit uncomfortable.”

“Think you are uncomfortable now Jeff, just wait till you get in front of the judicial committee. They want to fry your butt.”

“Could be tough, but sure appreciate you putting so much faith in me. “

“Bannie was really the one who sang your praises. He thinks you were ahead of your time leading the populist movement.”

“Aw shucks, I just love Bannie.”

“Have you been inside the lobby of the new hotel in Washington, Jeff?”

“I was at the ribbon cutting ceremony.”

“You know that wasn’t just plain old ribbon we were cutting; it was pure 100% silk. Got it from China.”

“Come to think of it, it was beautiful ribbon.”

“Doesn’t it make you just want to barf the way the intelligence community is conspiring against me with the Russian hacking thing. It’s just total garbage; what a bunch of whiners. I won by a landslide; in fact, if you take California and New York out of the election I won by so much it is bigly.”

“It was a great victory.… Umm, Mr. President, do you think we can get to the prep for the judiciary hearing.”

“Absolutely! So, Mr. Jefferson Noregard Sessions”

“Mr. President it is Beauregard, not no regard.”

“Oh so sorry, think my eyes are going. Bannie was supposed to do this, but he couldn’t make it so he wrote some of it down for me.”

“Speaking of names, Jeff, the point of this prep is to make sure you have only one session with the judicial committee! When it’s done we will change your name to Session.”

“Ha! Clever, Mr. President.

“Bannie gave me that one. He’s one smart son of a gun.”

“I see Jefferson is the same name your father, grandfather and great grandfather had. I like that. I’ve already told all my kids that all their children will be named Donald if they are boys and Donna if they are girls.”

“Your name has some impressive lineage. Great grandfather was named after a who’s who of America’s heroes, the confederate president, Jefferson Davis. Now that’s someone, but too bad the guy lost. You know what I said about John McCain goes for him too. Losers. Sad. That was a big loss too. Can you imagine the world today if Jefferson Davis pulled it off?”OMFG TRUMP - Confederate.jpg

“Beautiful thought, sir.”

“Never too late to bring us back there. That’s why you were our first choice for Attorney General.”

“Honored, sir.”

“So they called you Nuddy?”

“Huh?”

“So cute!”

“Oh, you mean Buddy?”

“Man, am I having a hard time reading Bannie’s notes.”

“OK, Buddy. Just love that name. I think the first thing you need to establish with the committee when they start lying about your history as a racist is to make them call you Buddy. Anybody named Buddy can’t be all that bad.”

“Like it, sir; it will help me disarm them. Soften them up.”

“Exactly! So first question: Mr. Sessions.…”

“Excuse me, members of the committee, I would appreciate it if you would address me as Buddy as that is my warm fuzzy side.”

“Mr. Sessions?”

“I really would appreciate it if you would call me Buddy, all my friends do.”

“OK, Buddy. When you were attorney general of Alabama you advocated for reviving chain gangs for volunteer inmates. Can you speak to that, please?”

“The Buddy in me just wanted the inmates to be close. They are so lonely in prison. I was just promoting togetherness.”

“OK, Mr. Sessions let’s ”

“Buddy, please.”

“What a great job your are doing, Jeff.”

“Buddy, please.”

“So Buddy, your record on voting rights shows that you have supported voter I.D. laws that have unfairly targeted African American communities.

And Buddy, you also opposed the “Violence against Women Act.”

“Well, I am for equal protection and since men don’t need laws to protect them I don’t see why women do. Would be discrimination to give women priority over men when it comes to protecting them. That ain’t fair, now is it?”

“That’s great Buddy. You really know how to turn things on their head.”

“You also opposed the Mathew Shepherd Act.”

“With all due respect,. I just don’t see no reason to just protect shepherds. Wouldn’t be fair to other dogs to have only one kind of dog with special privileges, now would it?”

“Personally, Buddy, I hate all dogs. They require too much attention and that means less for me. Buddy, you are knocking this out of the ballpark. How about this one: Let’s turn to your views on immigration.”

“Your views on immigration are some of the strongest, and some have called them racist. We have information that says you have worked with John Tanton, who described the anti-immigration battle in racist terms. He said: ‘For European-American society and culture to persist requires a European American majority.’ You even received the ‘Keeper of the Flame’ award from the Center for Security Policy, a think tank that promotes anti-Muslim conspiracy theories. Can you address this?”
OMFG TRUMP - Jim Crow Sign.jpg

“So, Mr. President, what do I do with that one?”

“Let’s see what Bannie wrote as your response. Damn, can’t read it. Here, you look at it and see what it says to do.”

“Ha! It says this is when the fire alarm will be pulled — the Democrats on the committee will run for the hills and the Republicans, knowing it is a hoax, will quickly vote to send you on to the Senate where you will be confirmed.

“Bannie is brilliant! Thanks, Mr. President.”

“You’re welcome Buddy. Now let’s take it to these losers and Make America Great Again!”
OMFG TRUMP - Burn it Down.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

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