Dick, Bigly and Hands

Dick, Bigly & Hands is not the name of one of those ambulance-chasing law firms advertising on late night TV claiming that, whatever bad thing happens to you, they will get you more money. It is not a comedy trio like Groucho, Chico and Harpo; or Moe, Larry and Curly.  Dick, Bigly & Hands are more akin to a “dead serious trio” and is actually  three ways of saying one thing:  When “The Don” feels small, he goes big.
And he is thinking big when it comes to nuclear weapons.

Who knows what “The Don” was dreaming about when he woke up at some ungodly hour and decided to tweet that the U.S needed to “greatly strengthen and expand its nuclear capability until such time the world comes to it senses regarding nukes.” Perhaps he had a bad dream in which Putie was doing the nasty with some Ms. Universe while “The Don” was stuck doing a slow dance with Rosie O’Donnell. Sorry Rosie! But whatever it was, “The Don” wasn’t feeling Bigly; his Hands were small and his Dick, well, I’ll leave that to your imagination.

It appears that his pal Putie prompted “The Don’s” tweet by flexing his own nuclear muscle. Inspired by his restored tumescence “Then Don” went further: “Let it be an arms race, we will outmatch them at every pass and outlast them all.” Or as Samuel Jackson might say in one of Quentin Tarrantino movies: “Bring it on, motherfucker! You ain’t shit! You fuck with me, I am gonna fuck your motherfuckin’ ass up!” Frankly, I am particularly freaked out by the “outlast them all” part, which seems like what the set of a “Mad Max” movie looks like, after we’ve outlasted whoever them is!

So Putin is playing a game of nuclear poker with “The Don.” Problem is that he is the dealer, and every time “The Don” gets a card he gets a joker; Putie is playing with a stacked deck because he is just smarter and more devious. He is escalating the nuke talk because he knows “The Don” can’t take being second. This is textbook strategy for how to drive a narcissist to distraction, a.k.a mine is bigger than yours! His goal is to get under “The Don’s” skin and get him to say crazy shit; his goal is to undermine the world’s belief and need for the U.S. to be the protector and stabilizing force in the West. And let’s face it, if “The Don’s” exploits in his casino adventure in Atlantic City are any indication of his skill at cards, well….

The whole nukes thing is perplexing. Presently, in the nuke Olympics Russia leads with 7,300 (though rumors of doping may have affected their capacity to count), and the U.S has 6,970. There are 196 countries in the world, 195 if you don’t count Taiwan (Poor Taiwan they just don’t get any respect!)

So let’s do the math. For simplicity’s sake, let’s say we round things off. Between Russia and the U.S. there are 14,000 nukes. Dividing that by 200 countries means that you have 700 nukes you can use against each country. Somehow, I don’t think Latvia or Haiti needs to be hit more than once. So what does this all mean? Well, from my perspective it means that two power hungry narcissists with concerns about the size of their “nukes” make the world a scary place.